Wow. You know what’s terrible, Lex? This outfit. You can keep your forty cakes, fatty, but

Wow. You know what’s terrible, Lex? This outfit. You can keep your forty cakes, fatty, but this has to go. It’s just – oh, it’s so bad, it almost hurts my eyes, I can’t – I might have to lie down for a few minutes. Firstly – green and purple? Really? Really. Did you honestly sit down one day and think to yourself, “I’m richer than God! What better way to show this than by bastardizing the color scheme of Barney the Dinosaur?” Because that’s what this is, toots. Let me tell you the only way I can see this outfit happening: Barney’s dad has a secret lovechild with the 90s X-men uniforms, and it’s born ass-first, then you skinned that shit and donned its hide. Lex. Look at this tomfoolery on your boots. Ugh, darling, come on. They look like tiny street lamps undergoing violent, flaming indigestion. Not only is that completely unstable, as I’m sure Bruce would want me to point out, but it just draws attention to your cankles! Not doing you any favors, sweetie. And really, I understand that latex is the norm at this point in Metropolis, but oh – those hips, Lex! Look, if you’re going to have skin-tight cloth riding up your crotch, you can’t wear your adult diaper underneath it. Choose one, honey. And can we – your collar. Jesus. For one thing, I know I said Barney before, but you somehow manage to not even do him justice with that washed-out mauve color I’m going to assume you think is “purple”. Yeah, maybe it’s purple after thirty years of marriage to the color of fugly when it’s let itself go, God. I will say this once: nobody can pull that off. Especially not middle-aged balding businessmen. And while we’re on the subject, Lex, can we just talk about age appropriate? I know Superman’s like 35, but damn, he doesn’t look it. That man can pull off the red panties and the blue tights. Lex. Lex, Lex, Lex. You are not working it. Imagine how you’d feel if your middle school principle showed up one day wearing just an American flag bikini. That’s the level of uncomfortable you’re making us all right now. There’s just – there’s got to be some kind of age cap on latex. And some kind of, I don’t even know, screening process for high collars, because this is frankly embarrassing. You know what? Just leave. I don’t even have any advice for you, Lex, because I’m completely okay with you getting beat up for looking like this. And that will happen. I will make sure of it. -- source link
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