day 372 : [one year] & some change… . one year has come and gone. please excuse m

day 372 : [one year] & some change… . one year has come and gone. please excuse my absence. disconnecting from the world was the only way i was going to make it through the past week or two. . i had a small party to celebrate the core group of people that have gotten me through the past year. i would say thick or thin but there hasn’t been much of that thin. their daily tough love and no special or different treatment is one of the main reasons why i am the way i am today. thank you. i love you. insta-fam, you’re it for me too. . it’s so much easier to turn and be distracted by anything that makes me feel good or just connecting with others about what’s good with them than to sit through my bad feels. these feels that make me never want to move from this spot. eat. sleep. take care of myself. plants helped the first go-around, hence my new lil rose bush ⬆️ . the past few days have been about ignoring the world and going through this depressive ish that sucks. so. damn. much. . depression, the SOB that keeps knocking down your door uninvited even though you thought your last sayonara meant bye forever. . in regards to my year anniversary, i haven’t come to terms with a name because nothing resonates with me, just the fact that i’ve missed my old body for an entire year. life day, alive day, whatever. i don’t like it. it’s been hell and acknowledging it as that way seems to make me feel better somehow. didn’t feel any shame in taking/doing whatever i wanted that day though. #kindalikeabirthday? . i feel stupid feeling like this and i hate that i feel stupid for feeling like this. i don’t know what factors have led to my current recovery only a year out. i only know that life makes no sense and happens. i tend to discourage people from downplaying their pain to me, yet when i’m on this side, i feel awful complaining or feeling depression when i know how much worse everything could be. . i miss being able to jump, play, skip, plop, crouch, kick, and ultimately, not having to think about a damn thing because i was so strong and capable i could do anything. i WILL get back there and i WILL be better than before because i CAN. #brokenbutnotbeaten -- source link

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