‹ september evaluations › ⇢ mino –– fear      &nb

‹ september evaluations › ⇢ mino –– fear                 “ dad, if you’re looking at me, tell me the answer. i’m too young                                                and soft to become an adult.”his first real evaluation. the mgas were over now and haknyeon had found his place in nova as a trainee. it’s starting to settle in but everything still feels so… new. he wanted to do well –– as well as he could at least, to be of proof that he wouldn’t be useless (that choosing him wouldn’t have been a mistake).they’re made to perform about family for this evaluation and haknyeon’s determined to do well. but the problem though, is that it takes him a while to find a proper song to convey his emotions about his family. thinking about it, he realizes that he has a lot to say but has no way, or has never actually tried, to put them into words. family. he’d count himself lucky with his, despite the usual bickering and the fallout he’d had with his mother months back, they’ve always been rather supportive of his dream. heck, his parents had allowed him to move all the way to seoul to pursue this music dream of his.though it would be a lie to say that there wasn’t anything reeling at the back of his mind, that he didn’t feel a heavy weight on his chest. the mgas he thought, would give him that surge he’d needed and yeah, it did. but along with the happiness that it brought him, there was this feeling of responsibility, a further need to prove himself. of fear.and that’s when he decides on his song. fear.he enters the practice room, slightly nervous. it’s his first evaluation after all and he wants to do well. he bows towards the instructor, “i’m joo haknyeon! one month old trainee!” he introduces himself before he takes in a deep breath.family.he’d thought a lot about them –– in fact, now that he couldn’t make his weekend visits to jeju anymore, he could only think about them.you’re doing a good job, when you become confusedjust like you’ve done so far, just gojust do as yourself, just know yourself he begins to rap, as though telling a story about himself. introducing his point of view and the words slip through his mouth as he’s practiced. don’t stop, there’s still a lot to dolook at the photo of your parents, providing for youyou’re the mirror to your younger siblings, you’re the star of your familyonly when you cut back on your sleep,can they peacefully sleephey you idiot, don’t make it obviousbe strong, i know you’re lonelybut you need to get through it,are you crying? be a manstop crying and take responsibility once moreas he raps this part, he lets his emotions show, falls into them as though scolding himself. and it’s true. when he gets tired he looks at the photos of his family back in jeju –– they are his strength and he wants to do well for them. so that they’d believe him in even more, so that he’d make them proud. he thinks back to his little sister back in jeju, how much she’d cheered him on. despite the way he acts (leading many to believe that haknyeon was the youngest in his family), he’s an older brother after all, doting on his little sister.he’s only a month in as a trainee but the schedule is long and tiring and he’s still just a child. a child that misses his family.dad, if you’re looking at me,tell me the answeri’m too young and soft to become an adulti still don’t know howhe continues rapping, putting his hands together as a fist at the words “dad”, and he feels his chest tightening as he does so. he continues rapping, more comfortable with it now thanks to practice. when he reaches the end of the song, he blinks slowly before looking at the coach and bowing, waiting for his evaluation. -- source link

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