This evening your genial host will be enjoying a perennial favorite, Koyaanisqatsi. I can still vivi
This evening your genial host will be enjoying a perennial favorite, Koyaanisqatsi. I can still vividly remember the excited, almost frantic phone call from my mother: “Yeah, it’s mom. Listen, get over to your video store and see if they have Koyaanisqatsi! You have to see this! You have to!!!” And so I did. One of the seminal, form-shaping experiences of my life.Now then, in order for me to properly savor this paradigm-shattering cinematic experience without disruption, we can do this, the hard way, to wit:Or we can do it the easy way. To wit, a TOTAL LACK OF ANY OF THE FOLLOWING!!!JUGGLING KITTEHS! Because Kittehs don’t need much of an excuse to barf, plus they’re KITTEHS! So no.Fly FishingBUBBLES!!!! (Mwahahahahahaaaaa!!!!!)IMPISHNESS!!!! (Busted!)ConfettiAny and all competitive athletics involving reptiles or amphibians, including but not limited to TURTLE RACINGShenanigansConfetti (yeah, I said it twice so y’all know I MEAN THAT SHIT)GLITTER, of any and all kindsSassSassinessSassy pants, regardless of how revealing they areSassingBacksassingAny of your sassJapesJapingJaperyPufferyNO ALPACAS!!!No hunting men for sport.No impromptu group dance-offsABSOLUTELY NO HUMAN SACRIFICES before 8PMBuffoonishnessFELLATING BALLOON ANIMALS (I don’t carry insurance to cover that shit, so knock it off! Although balloon-fellators of exceptional skills are encouraged to submit their CV to my HR department. Note: I am my HR department.)Hankie pankieROMAN CANDLE WIELDING DACHSUNDS!!!NaughtinessNaughty tricksarmy of zombie Barbies led by a skeleton riding a roosterRisky businessbamboozlement POPCORN!!!buncochicaneryCandy, candies, and any other high fructose corn syrup based confectionsflimflamPINEAPPLE ON PIZZA!!!!flummeryHissing SpittingWrigglingSighingLying down as though deadMucusAnimal noisesManifestationshumbuggeryPOPCORN!! That’s right, I said it twice! Don’t test me!!!mountebankeryBlatant quacksalveryNo wiggling your genitals in your genial host’s general directionMischiefMischievousnessKnife play (not the kinky kind, the “shit we need to go to the ER” kind)Popcorn or similar high fructose corn syrup snacks (YEAH! AGAIN!!! BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE DON’T FUCKING LISTEN!!!)ICE CREAM or other such confectionaries, unless you hook up your genial host with a generous helping (preferably Dairy Queen banana split with the works, extra sprinkles, please And thank you)S’MORES! No. Right out. That’s just inviting trouble.Cheap hootch, unless slugged properly from a paper bag LIKE MENTomfoolery (HA! THOUGHT I’D FORGET!)Duck stampedes or associated waterfowl tsunamisANARCHY, unless intended to topple The Man in which case go offSaucy sauntersA good ol’ fashioned time anymoreriding bicycle without hands and with a friend or friends on the handlebarsIntemperate consumption of any and all adult beverages containing umbrellas and/or pieces of colorful fruit because fuck that hippie shitBUBBLE SHOOTING CHAIN GUNS!!!!Rampant vandalismP A N D E M O N I U M !!!!!JapesJapingBALLOONS!!!! GOTCHA!!!JaperyJape-ish behavior, which may not even be a word but just DON’TRunning amokRunning amuck (in case any a y’all try to do a spelling loophole on my ass)RambunctiousnessHULLABALLOOHijinksHigh jinksCHAOSLoopholes PET ALLIGATORSPlain Old Troubleaaaaaaaaand HORSEPLAY!!!Right. This ought to insure that this depraved rabble remains in check. As you were. -- source link
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