clawdee:jadelyn:lavender-labia:bittergrapes:When a female-identified person screams and fights or sa
clawdee:jadelyn:lavender-labia:bittergrapes:When a female-identified person screams and fights or says to stop, you fucking stop. This is the kind of mentality that feeds rape culture, and if you say I’m overacting - no. Just no. You don’t gaslight people (“get her mad, then kiss her”). You respect their boundaries (stopping when they tell you to stop). You don’t manipulate them or ignore their boundaries or pretend you know what they want (“she’ll scream and fight with you, but secretly, she loves it”). You don’t do stupid shit that could get both of you killed (“hold her hand when you drive”). You don’t treat her like a goddamn china doll that can’t do anything for herself (‘protect her’). You don’t ignore someone’s feelings of anger or frustration by making it into a fucking romantic comedy or acting like their legitimate anger is ‘cute’ (“when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her”).Jesus Christ, it’s shit like this that encourages men to ignore women’s boundaries and for women to think that sexual harassment is ‘romantic’. Fucking hell. COMMENTARY^This shit is rape-culture-disguised-as-romance and it’s fucking disgusting. If you pick me up and try to do *anything* with me, while ignoring me screaming and fighting, I am not responsible for your injuries, because when I decide you’re not going to listen to my “no” and put me down, I will turn it into a real fight out of self-defense, and I fight dirty. Feel free to hold my hand while I’m driving, but be ready to let go when I need to shift, and for fuck’s sake keep your knee out of the way of 5th or don’t complain when I smack into it with the shifter. Don’t tell me I look pretty just for the sake of telling me I look pretty - if you find me attractive, sure, tell me so, my ego likes to be stroked…but you’ll have better luck telling me I’m beautiful or sexy than pretty, because my aesthetic would not ever be described that way and calling me pretty is an easy way to tell me you’re working from a formula, not seeing me as an individual.Protect me when I genuinely need it (ie, from myself when things get really bad) but don’t think you’re suddenly going to turn into some kind of white-knight-father-figure, because I won’t stand for it. If you tickle me and don’t stop when I say stop, I am not responsible for your injuries. I kick hard, and I go for squishy bits. You’ve been warned. If I’m swearing at you, there’s usually a reason, and attempting to stop me by saying you love me will just piss me off worse because it’s a blatantly transparent ploy that tells me you don’t respect my emotions or my anger.If you kiss me while I’m mad at you, you will get bitten, and not in a sexy way.This has been another episode of Women Are Actually Individuals With Varying Desires And Needs And Cannot Necessarily Be Wooed By Following A Trite Set Of Rom-Com Cliches, thanks for playing! Better luck next time! thiiiis this is flawlessstory tim with Cordelia! I once had a really creepy boyfriend who did things like this and thought it was cute/funny to make me touch him and say something mean someone said but not say who did it and tell me he was moulding me to become a better person -- source link
#tw gaslighting#rape culture#tw abuse