late afternoon 3.6.15 that sort of totally random moment going from one room to another, stop
late afternoon 3.6.15 that sort of totally random moment going from one room to another, stop to check the time, put away clean laundry in the drawer I see the second collar, the one I consider the most significant and real because it is original and given me by Someone it has not been lost or confused with another girl’s it is not another Masters’ accoutrement—because I have, and have only had, ONE Master, ever. slip my shirt off stand before the mirror loosen my hair down snap the collar on take a couple minutes to Just Be in the space of _______________________ (no word seems to fit) stretch across my bed and shoot myself. Old me, gone. Lost collar, gone. I will always ask. It is my nature to want to learn where lost things, and people, go, or how they are substituted with other things or people because I was, a long time ago. So, yeah. It was a brief moment of needing Him—I admit it. A brief moment wondering if I am actually needed or honestly wanted by Him. Or, if I am, or was, a sub[stitute] for someone else. The moment passed and I am as ever, with myself, safe; guarded, and standing on tiptoes trying to see over these walls I built. -SmartSurrender -- source link
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