Today I wrote up a contract. For me. I’ll be typing it professionally,signing, and framing it. What
Today I wrote up a contract. For me. I’ll be typing it professionally, signing, and framing it. What I realized the first time around though, and you can see in the first picture, is that I was talking to someone else. Not using I statements but instead saying “you” or “your life” as though I weren’t speaking to myself but trying to comfort someone else I knew. This is a very hard thing for me to do, to identify with myself and count myself as a person who needs help and who needs a better point of view. So no matter how ugly it made the paper and the writing look, and as many excuses as my brain gave me not to, I scratched out all the “you”s and replaced them with “i”s and “me”s. The writing reads:Let the record state that I, Kelli Ann Tackett, am of the predisposition to die. That time could be whenever and life will still go on long after I do. Where ever my consciousness will go is the decision of no one. Unknown factors in life such as these are things beyond control and they have no benefit from unneeded worry. Moving on is a stage as being born is a stage. Isolation from the world in moments of discomfort will only make life not worth living. It is more important that I take the opportunities given to me instead of running into the arms of vices that keep me locked away and disconnected from my dreams. I will not do any living if all I think about is dying. The system is wrong, I’ll flow with it. Others are hurtful, I’ll learn from it. Not everyone is me, not everyone will know me as I know me, and that is okay. It is all too precious to waste, and the acceptance of what I’m given and the reckless abandon my life deserves to be lived with will from here on out be mine to taste, conquer, and feel for the rest of my days. I don’t need the clarity, I am the clarity. -- source link
#kattackit#existential crisis#existential depression