vaspider:redscudery:vaspider:tzun:By your command Nah, i’m gonna share this moose for a reason, and
vaspider:redscudery:vaspider:tzun:By your command Nah, i’m gonna share this moose for a reason, and with a story!Once upon a time, there was a young lad – let’s call him adhocavenger, though for reasons soon to be seen, we shall keep him totally anonymous and only refer to him by this completely non-indicative alias – portaging through the wilds of northern Minnesota with his buddies. (This is a common activity for young Minnesotans, as is taking the fishheads you cut off of your day’s fishing, chucking them well off into the woods, and then when the bears come to eat them, turning on your headlights and bearwatching. Apparently there isn’t a lot to do in Minnesota.)As teenaged young men are wont to be, they were goofing around on this late summer day, whilst carrying their gear in their canoes across an island. Now, for those of you who might not be aware, late summer and early fall are when moose are, shall we say, amorously inclined. This fact shall become important to our story in a moment – but for right now, this group of teenage boys is casually carrying their canoes across any old island in the Land Of Oh God So Many Lakes & Also Mosquitoes. Goofing around, on this day, included imitating the sounds of various wildlife, and laughing about it. Bird chirps? Imitate bird chirp, rather badly, and laugh. Different bird? Yeah, imitate that one too. Moose make their horrific bellowing sounds from somewhere nearby? Yeah, okay, let’s answer tha–OH FUCK OH SHIT OH GODDAMN THAT’S A FUCKING BULL MOOSE RUN RUN RUN RUN ROUND THE FORECOURT RUN FOR AZERBAIJAN RUN FOR THE FUCKING WATER GET IN THE WATER THE MOOSE CAN’T–SHIT MOOSE ARE REALLY GOOD SWIMMERS FUCK SHIT PADDLE FASTER OH GOD HIS ANTLERS ARE SAILS OH JESUS PLEASE SAVE MY STUPID TEENAGE ASS (now you see why an alias was important) FROM BEING SO FUCKING DUMB AS TO TAUNT THE ONLY MEGAFAUNA FROM THE ICE AGE TO HAVE SURVIVED TO THE MODERN DAY… the bull moose chased their quickly-paddling asses across the lake for a solid couple of miles, until he was well sure that, in fact, these imposters were not, in fact, going to be sticking around his island to sing the song of his people to any lady moose, and get in the way of his megafauna mojo. Meanwhile, they paddled as if their lives depended on it, because it is entirely possible that they did.Do not taunt happy fun megafauna, kids.Truly, there is nothing I do not love about this.I am required by law to tell this story every time I can, because if this had happened to a non-anonymous person, it would be a non-anonymous person to whom I am married. Ahem. -- source link