These are all 100% important. However, I do want to say something about #1, #2, #8, #12, and #
These are all 100% important. However, I do want to say something about #1, #2, #8, #12, and #13. #1 - This needs to be rewritten somewhat, as “being scared” or “fearful” can be part of a scene/role-play. Safe-words are the norm here, and I’ve had many a sub negotiation wherein this was an important part of play for them. When it extends beyond play, yeah, no fucking good and a huge sign that the contract needs to be severed and contact fully ceased. #2 - I only do this when it is requested of me for a particular scene. It’s not something that comes naturally to grounded folk in our daily lives. I have one particular sub who just loves rapeplay, and she is always wanting me to push further. However, this is also a huge red flag for any sub in a relationship when it is initiated by your Dom as part of their kink, as the level of control that is being exerted is complete and total, and outside of 100% consent and by the subs request, it is a huge fucking blaring screaming flashing sign to get the fuck out of there. This is not something I want to bring to a scene, I only do it if my pet requests, and we have a nice little adult chat about it. #8 - Early on in a D/s relationship, unfortunately this tends to happen, especially if they are inexperienced. A truly experienced Dom knows how to push you within your limits and will always respect them. The way that this is worded infringes upon aspects of the D/s relationship. D/s is sometimes about pushing limits and doing things you might not immediately feel comfortable with. Again, it’s all about the contract and the discussion, up front, and then the debrief. I am 100% about respecting limits within the context of what my subs are emotionally and psychologically prepared for. Doms that do not respect this aren’t really Doms, they are sociopaths. #12 - This is extremely important. There is always help out there, for anyone. Every area generally has a crisis hotline, and many cities have free or sliding scale therapists. These things are a click away on a google search. “crisis hotline” and “Tallahassee,” for example. Don't ever think you are alone and that no one cares about your well-being. I like my subs to actually be pro-active about their lives, and this is an important aspect if we are involved in TPE. I helped one of my subs go back to college after 8 years away, even though she didn’t believe she was smart enough. She is now in a Master’s program, one year away from professional certification and a fruitful and lasting career. #13 - Okay. I will admit to violating safe words. But it is only in one domain and context: total restraint orgasms. I had one sub that was so afraid and embarrassed about ejaculation. She thought that she was going to pee instead of ejaculate, and it made her mortified. She had never had an orgasm with another partner before me. The first few times we were having sex, I could tell that something was wrong with her psychologically. She would look like she was trying to hold in a fart or was working out an incredibly difficult calculus problem in her head. She lied to me about orgasming. I knew she was preventing herself from getting there because of her fear that she was going to pee. So, after a nice and respectful conversation, I showed her videos of women ejaculating and you should have seen her eyes bulge (which was doubly incredible considering she was Asian). Even after this, she still prevented herself from ejaculating during sex. Her mind wouldn’t allow her body to get there. She would tense up off my cock or would remove my hand from her clit, or would close her legs completely. However, she told me that she did not want this to happen, but she could not control it. The fear was just so great that she could not override it to allow herself to orgasm. (This is important to note; this was all by her request) So, the discussion moved to restraint orgasming. She agreed that she shouldn’t feel embarrassed or bad about wanting to orgasm, but felt that there was no way she could do it because her mind was preventing her body from accepting the outcome. The fear was simply just too great. She agreed that trying a restraint orgasm might be the best solution, and she agreed up front that I could ignore her pleas using safe-words as she would get close to orgasm, as she trusted me and knew I was not doing this to try and hurt her, and that even if she did “pee” that I would not only not be turned off, but I told her it would be a great turn on. I tied her up, and used a waist bar so she could not struggle. I used both a vibrator and my hands and mouth. And as I was bringing her close, she used her safe-word, and I reminded her of our discussion, asked if she trusted me, and treated her with extreme kindness. She had a very difficult time up and until what can only be described as a water hose kinked and turned on high suddenly exploding. What didn’t hit me in my face and in my open mouth, literally shot to the wall across the room. The scream that came out of her made my neighbors concerned that someone was being murdered (they know me, so everything was fine). Immediately upon her coming down from her orgasm (I couldn’t even touch her for a few minutes), she demanded to be brought to orgasm the same way, the look in her eye was that of a total insane madwoman. She even used a safe-word again as soon as she was at the edge, but then said “no, keep going, ungghh, FAAACCKKK!!!” Needless to say, orgasming is no longer an “issue” for her, and what we did was extremely therapeutic and cathartic for her. And Daddy’s balls were emptied continuously over the 48 hour period that she stayed over. Win fucking Win! This is the only exemption to this rule that I can think of that I have performed. Outside of this, safe words are to always be accepted and respected. Outside of play or TPE, your lives should be as normal human beings, as friends, as people who care for and about each other. D/s isn’t about treating someone like a piece of shit. Psychologically, this is incredibly damaging, and any Dom who does this should be run out of the game. -- source link
Tumblr Blog : athamemorrigan-deactivated20121.tumblr.com