cannibalcoalition:kittin-the-creator:leebradford:When I say that Reuben is the Worst Crook Ever, I d
cannibalcoalition:kittin-the-creator:leebradford:When I say that Reuben is the Worst Crook Ever, I don’t mean that in a good way. Well now I’m curious, what IS the story behind Walter one eyeReuben voice:“Right, so you have to understand first off that Walter isn’t the smartest guy I’ve ever met but the man sure as hell is funny-looking, real ‘I’ve seen shit and done shit’ looking kind of guy. And the man grew up in Bexley, Ohio with a rich family and all the opportunity in the world- but he’s got a birthmark along the side of his face that looks like he got on the wrong end of a flamethrower. And if you grow up with a birthmark like that you’ve got two options: you can cover it up and be ashamed of it or you can use it to fuck with people.So you can pretty much guess which one Walter is.Anyhow, there was some kind of deal going on in the back of this shady bar downtown and the crew thought the house would be distracted by a baseball game played on the big screen and no one would notice them going in and out with suitcases. But lo and behold, there’s a handful of regular joes playing poker right in front of the only door to that back room and there’s no way no one’s gonna ignore Chainsaw Mac guarding the door.So they send Walter in first with $100 to get them to play their card game and make sure that they don’t notice all the shady fellas coming and going. The instructions were that he didn’t have to win the game, he just had to stay in the game long enough to distract them. Trouble is, Walter is terrible at cards. Like you think I’m bad at cards? Walter is worse. He can’t bluff worth crap and the only thing he is good at is showing his cards to the guy next to him. He starts losing, fast. But if he’s out of the game, then we’re out of a distraction, right? And Mac is standing in the doorway, signalling that Walter needs to keep it up for another fifteen minutes and he’s got bupkis to bid. ‘I guarantee I can win this pot, just deal me in,’ he says. Now the guys just think he’s got a gambling addiction, but you can’t just let a guy in the game without something to bid- it ain’t done.So he holds up his hand and says ‘Now hold on just a minute, I got somethin’ real special for ya,’ and he turns around so none of them can see him pull a real glass eye out of his pocket. He squeezes shut the eye that’s got the birthmark and rolls the eye straight onto the table. All three of the guys jump straight back while Walter is there patiently waiting for them to accept his bid of one (1) glass eyeball. The three of them are having like this silent conversation of ‘are we allowed to take that? Is this contagious? Is that thing real and is this actually happening right now?’ Eventually they all sat back down because it was clear to them that Walter was serious and you have to respect that in a man, but even while they were playing the game they couldn’t keep their eyes off of Walter’s eye, which rolled around on the table anytime there was a minor bump against it.They completely threw that last round just so Walter could have his eye back, and in the time it took for them to get over it- every last one of them had gotten out of the building without so much as a second glance.But when you ask him where he got the glass eye in the first place, all he tells you is that he found it and now its his lucky charm- even if he still sucks at poker.” -- source link