IT’S SYRUP TIME, MOTHERFUCKERS!DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A DESSERT OUT OF SOMETHING? SYRUP IT!H

IT’S SYRUP TIME, MOTHERFUCKERS!DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A DESSERT OUT OF SOMETHING? SYRUP IT!HOW DO YOU MAKE A SYRUP?YOU SIMMER THAT SHIT ON LOW HEAT UNTIL YOU FEEL THE ETERNITY OF EXISTENCE PRESSING DOWN ON YOUR BONES! AND ALSO UNTIL THE WATER EVAPORATES OUT AND MAKES THE LIQUID ALL THICK AND CLINGY. MAPLE, BEECH, OR BIRCH SYRUP: STICK A SHARP PIPE IN A MAPLE TREE IN EARLY SPRING. COLLECT A COUPLE GALLONS. MAKE SURE TO CLOSE THE HOLE WHEN YOU’RE DONE SO THE TREE DOESN’T BLEED TO DEATH! SIMMER THE SAP DOWN UNTIL IT’S A SYRUP! Beech and Birch trees don’t give sap quickly, and it has less sugar, so they can’t replace maple trees. Other trees can give sap too, but you need a vacuum pump to get it. NON-CITRUS FRUIT SYRUPS:MASH UP YOUR FRUIT! DILUTE IT WITH WATER UNTIL ITS A SOUPDON’T STRAIN OUT THE SEEDS OR FLESH JUST YET! BOIL THE FRUIT AND WATER FOR EVERY 1 CUP OF FRESH OR FROZEN FRUIT, ADD ¾ A CUP OF SUGAR, AND ½ A CUP OF WATER.  BOIL ALL OF THAT SHIT TOGETHER IN A POT ON THE STOVE.ONCE IT’S PRETTY HOT, BUT NOT SPITTING ITS HELLSCAPE FLUIDS AT YOU, START PUNCHING THE FRUIT UP INTO A MASH. WHEN YOUR MASHED FRUIT REACHES A FULL BOIL, LOWER THE HEAT UNTIL IT’S A SIMMER (STEAMING LOTS BUT NOT ACTIVELY SPLASHING SHIT AROUND WITH BUBBLES) WHEN YOU NOTICE IT’S GETTING A LITTLE THICKER, YOU CAN STRAIN OUT THE SEEDS AND FLESH. (CAREFUL, IT’S STILL FUCKING HOT!) - NOW YOU HAVE A THIN SYRUP! TO MAKE IT A THICC SYRUP, PUT THE DE-SEEDED FLUIDS BACK INTO YOUR POT AND KEEP SIMMERING IT UNTIL MORE WATER EVAPORATES! ENJOY YOUR SYRUP. FOR CITRUS SYRUPS IS BASICALLY THE SAME THING BUT INSTEAD OF FRUIT FLESH ,YOU’RE USING ONLY THE CITRUS PEEL. THE RATIO IS 1 CUP WATER, 1 CUP SUGAR, 1 CUP PEELS.MAKE SURE TO REMOVE ALL OF THE BITTER WHITE PITH, AND CHOP THE PEEL UP FINELY. FOR FLOWER AND HERB SYRUPS, THE RATIO IS 1 CUP WATER, 1 CUP SUGAR, 1 TABLESPOON FRESH BLOSSOMS. MIX TOGETHER.DO NOT BRING TO A BOIL. SIMMER UNTIL THE SUGAR MELTS COMPLETELY, THEN LEAVE IT ON FOR AN EXTRA 2-3 MINUTES. REMOVE FROM HEAT AND LET THE SYRUP STEEP ON ITS COLD LONESOME FOR 30 MINUTES. POUR INTO STERILIZED GLASS JARS THROUGH A MESH STRAINER TO REMOVE THE SOLID PLANT PARTS. Note: Many flowers (like wild violets and roses) require that you ONLY boil the flower petals, taking care to remove other flower parts and green bits.   ENJOY YOUR SYUPS, YOU BEAUTIFUL MOTHERFUCKER!  -- source link

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