22 July, 3016. My thoughts this morning, with one week left before I move down to be with Master. Ha
22 July, 3016. My thoughts this morning, with one week left before I move down to be with Master. Has it been easy, these three and a half years? No; not for someone who has glided into coupling with men so easily. “Effortlessly” is a better word. You find someone attractive, find reasons to be near them, explore your curiosity. If they’re interested, you explore each other…you have a lot of sex; cook together, shower together, christening every surface and piece of sturdy furniture both of you own. When you are done screwing each other off the charts, content in the knowledge you’re “compatible”, you move-in together. He’s got a live-in cook/maid/date/sex toy and he’s happy…until she begins acting like a wife. Girls/women, with their expectations or even mere thoughts of marriage, (and not having to do this whole mating ritual again with someone new). Of course, I was younger then. 20s, 30s, then I married. My history of live-in lovers/partners is not long because I partner at length rather than at whim. A friend once called me “a serial monogomist” and, honestly, they were right. Mostly “nice” guys; none of them great, just adequate; often troubled, needy, controlling, insecure, always voraciously sexual. My naivete believed as long as there was sex we were good. There is some truth that, frankly, as there was little-to-no sex in my marriage. I left him after eight or nine years. That was 14 years ago. My former love life *was* regular installments of a predictable behavior pattern: fall in love with one guy and stay in it for years, not months, even when it clearly was not working for me. The gift from all this is knowing what you don’t want, then refocusing on what you DO want. I do not require His praise, just respect. I give Him mine. After three and a half years of intermittent visiting, almost-daily communication, and a lot of brave and bold thinking aloud together, I am beginning to have an inkling of what I really want. More importantly, that WE deserve to shine and be larger than life, authentic and wild, shown off and paraded around by a partner who cannot get enough of what we have. [email protected] -- source link