(9/12) “I felt like my life was over. I remember pacing around my apartment, screaming that I
(9/12) “I felt like my life was over. I remember pacing around my apartment, screaming that I wasn’t ready to be a father. My teachers were trying. They’d be like: ‘Jonathan, you’re basically done. Just finish the year.’ But I didn’t see the point. I missed 90 days of senior year. I didn’t even bother sending off college applications. DiCo was sending me texts. He kept being like: ‘This isn’t the end of the world. Just remember what happened at Harvard. If you go to college, a lot can happen.’ But I wasn’t giving him much access. I’m lying to him. I’m telling him that things are good, but in reality I was drinking a lot. One morning I was sitting on a bench in the courtyard, and my parents’ drug dealer walked by. He was this older dude named Q, and he’s like: ‘Why aren’t you in school?’ I explained that I had a kid coming, and I didn’t know what to do. He’s like: ‘Why don’t you take a ride with me in my car?’ We went to pick up his daughter from school, and it was clear that Q was taking good care of her. She was wearing new clothes. He bought ice cream for all of her friends. He dropped a wop of cash on the dashboard, just to make a point. For two weeks we just rode around in his car, running errands. But one day he reached over and handed me a bag. He’s like: ‘It’s time to get started.’ It wasn’t dramatic like the movies. I’d just sit on the bench. And I guess Q put the word out, because people started coming up to me asking for drugs. I’d sell for a few hours. Then at the end of each day I’d go back to the shelter and watch my parents use the exact same drugs. I was becoming everything I hated about my community. Then one morning I was sitting in the apartment, and somebody starts knocking on the door. They’re screaming that Q just got robbed, and he wants me to grab the gun from his apartment. I hesitated. It took me a few minutes to get out the door. I guess Q got tired of waiting, and went to get the gun himself. And when I finally got to his place, there were cops everywhere. Q was lying on the ground. His hands were cuffed behind his back, and the gun was lying right next to him. It was supposed to be me that was holding that gun. I’d come that close.” -- source link