playswithdolls:I read this, and I liked it well enough. But I feel like I’m reading two
playswithdolls: I read this, and I liked it well enough. But I feel like I’m reading two separate essays that collided violently with each other. The front half of the post, ending with “goooooooood girl”, seems to state that the problem for strong submissives is that their Dominants are not engaging in little, intimate details during D/s sexual acts: failing to add simple elements such as forcing the submissive to look in their eyes during a blowjob or giving the submissive verbal encouragement during such service; focusing instead on “immediate, selfish gratification”. I sincerely doubt that I’m in the minority when I say that part of the satisfaction of a blowjob with any partner, submissive or otherwise, is the connection between yourself and another person. Anyone can turn their own crank in their private time, the whole excitement of another person is that they’re another person. Part and parcel of that is interactions such as verbal encouragement or locking gazes. So if such a “Dominant” exists that doesn’t even do little details like that, I’m not really sure what the appeal of such an individual is. Even objectifying, consensually degrading play in sex acts involve the interactions between the partners. Someone who treats any act of sexual service as if they were putting their dick through a glory hole, all moisture and no connection… they’re not a dominant. They’re a machine. It doesn’t take a smart or strong submissive to desire something other than that. All it takes is a pulse. To me, the second half of the essay is about the error in judgement in “training a Dominant” to correct this behavior, and how such an action is ultimately flawed and that a perfect Dominant needs no encouragement. Again, this isn’t about Dominance. Yes, some behaviors listed require effort, and therefore are more likely to occur in D/s sex (keeping your eyes locked on your Dominant’s gaze while sucking on a cock isn’t the easiest thing for many submissives due to angle), but ultimately the actions described are about connection and intimacy. There’s nothing wrong with trying to encourage intimacy. Individuals with little sexual experience or dealing with conservative backgrounds that preach against enjoying sex might find it difficult to let go and enjoy sex acts. They need a little warming up to understand that it’s okay to enjoy a blowjob, let alone a blowjob from a leashed girl that’s tied to a desk. But for people who are selfish, joyless machines in regards to sex, well, then of course you can’t fix them. They are who they are. But this isn’t a D/s issue. This theoretical bad Dominant would be just as bad at vanilla sex as he is at getting a blowjob during D/s play. The reference consistently in the second half to “strong Dominant” seems to connect to different issues than a lack of intimacy during D/s sex, but it never actually states what those issues are. Inexperienced or seasoned, weak or strong, Dominants of any stripe can be intimate and involved with their submissives while being sexually gratified. So I don’t buy that emotional resonance or involvement is the dividing line between “good’ and “bad” for a Dominant. (It is, however, a good dividing line between good and bad lovers.) I’d love to see an essay that talks about the other motivations and reasons a submissive is topping from the bottom, since I think there’s far more relevant and critical points than “he doesn’t look me in the eyes”, and I’d love to see them so we can help educate Dominants so the submissives don’t need to top. -Mr. P fringeofdarkness: The Needs of a Strong Submissive. I was given a piece of advice many years ago: “Behind every complaint lies a request.” Strong submissives often express frustration over the inability of some men to fully appreciate the finer, more intimately motivating aspects of control. I concur. Some men can be completely oblivious to the amazing opportunity they have to control and guide. They are so focused on immediate, selfish gratification that they miss the powerful potential for pleasure and fulfillment in multiples. Missed opportunities can be painfully obvious. It could be a simple winding of her hair into a lead as she kneels before him, and then using this makeshift bridle to bring her on and off his cock. It could have been a locked gaze - having her fix her eyes on his as she pleasures him so she can watch the bliss on his face. Or it could have been verbal encouragement - soft, deep moans and recognition of her exquisite cock-sucking talents. And yes, it could have been as simple as a heartfelt “gooooooood girl”. So whenever I hear a strong submissive complain, I ask, what do you really need, girl? Some mistakenly feel the need to “improve” or “help train” men to be “more Dominant”. Trust me - a man is Dominant - or he is not. Yet, these girls will provide carefully orchestrated reminders and reinforcements of enhanced pleasure for a man who gives them what they crave. They may attempt cue their man into certain aggressive behaviors with provocative dress, language, and movement. And yet…. They are unfulfilled. Intelligent, talented, strong, erotic submissives who attempt this are simply “topping from the bottom”. Dominant behaviors which are encouraged in this fashion are not genuine, and the submissive never really relinquishes control. She is left frustrated and hungering for a true Dominant. A strong submissive needs a man who motivates her effortlessly across heart, body, mind, and soul. She needs a relationship where she can be completely and effortlessly guided - with no thoughts of ever again deploying her past tactics. Indeed, a true Dominant intuitively knows her and constantly amazes her with his intimate understanding of her wiring. And any attempt to disrupt the natural exchange of power between Dominant and submissive will be met with impeccably orchestrated “reminders”. A strong submissive also needs an equally strong Dominant to complete her. Any D/s bond requires this perfect fusion of equal, but opposite halves of the same coin. This, in turn, culminates in fulfillment and self-actualization. It creates a feeling or catharsis, bliss, and renewal whenever Dominant and submissive are together. It makes us each stronger, more motivated, and more steadfast in our resolve to constantly grow and evolve on many dimensions. -- source link