maaarine: Seeing grieving as learning explains why the process takes time (Saren H Seeley and Mary-F
maaarine: Seeing grieving as learning explains why the process takes time (Saren H Seeley and Mary-Frances O’Connor, Psyche, May 25 2022)“For humans, too, the expectation that someone we love will be there for us – whether it’s a caregiver, a romantic partner, a child, or someone else – is a fundamental part of our bond. And just like prairie voles, humans have a neurobiological stress response that unleashes a cascade of cardiovascular, hormonal and immune changes when social bonds are threatened. That distress can be a useful alarm signal, even critical for survival. It motivates us to seek out someone, or make enough of a fuss that they come to find us. But those alarm bells are useful only if the one you are seeking can ultimately be found. The death of a loved one is the rare experience in which that resolution is no longer possible. (…)It takes time and experience for the brain to integrate new episodic memories of the person’s death with the semantic belief in their everlasting presence. Through experience, the brain can develop new predictions. They no longer come home from work at 6 o’clock; their clothes stop showing up in the laundry; the plants they used to water go untended. Eventually, the brain comes to more fully understand that the loved one’s absence is not a temporary state. There are good reasons why it takes time to update one’s sense of the world following a disruption such as the loss of a loved one. The mind maintains relatively stable models of both the external and internal worlds. Neuroscientists theorise that the brain builds these models from previous experiences. The brain then uses its knowledge of how the world works to predict the likelihood of future outcomes. As we move through the world, the brain registers whether an actual outcome was better or worse than expected via neural prediction error signals, which are used to update the mental model and inform future predictions. In learning from prediction error, we need a balance of flexibility and stability, so that our mental models can be updated as needed without being too easily swayed by limited information.For someone who is grieving, actions (eg, seeking out a loved one) that once predictably resulted in reward (reunion) now end with the absence of reward, generating a negative prediction error (accompanied by frustration, distress and grief). A mental model that is too inflexible – adamantly deflecting new information about the absence of a loved one – will lead to the repetition of actions that no longer have the desired outcome. Repeated efforts by the brain to squeeze such new information into an unchanged old model could help explain why some bereaved people experience a longer trajectory of acute physical and emotional dysregulation.In contrast, healthy adaptation after loss includes developing – as prediction errors accumulate over time – an updated mental model that comfortably accommodates both past and present. This balanced, adapted state is reflected in concepts such as ‘continuing bonds’ (maintaining an enduring sense of caring and connection with the person who died) and ‘integrated grief’ (grief that has found, as one author puts it, ‘a resting place in [one’s] heart and memories’). Neither the relationship nor the grief ever disappear, but they take a different form that can exist side by side with the recognition that one has to find a way to live in the world as it is now.” -- source link