If I’d had the insight and clarity of mind at the time to see the state I was living in, I wou

If I’d had the insight and clarity of mind at the time to see the state I was living in, I would have sought professional help to work through the inner turmoil. It’s been a long, rough road to get to a place where the fear of letting someone in no longer breaks down my sense of agency. I tend to take my time now when it comes to getting to know people. I pay attention to warning signs. I know not to neglect my friendships when I engage with someone new. And someone’s level of respect for the boundaries I clearly lay out plays a huge role in whether or not I build trust with them.Despite any precautions I make take, trauma still may not be altogether avoidable. But having people and resources in place to support me should anything happen has definitely enhanced my courage, strength and resilience. At the end of the day I want to experience deep intimacy and connection, and that can only happen if I open myself up to trust. I refuse to let fear keep me from having beautiful experiences, especially fear that stems from the abuse I went through. I lived in fear of him long enough; I feel that continuing to carry the fear with me would mean staying strongly connected to him and all those memories and I want no part of either. I am choosing to keep the lessons and release the fear. -- source link
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