browntrait: Dear Diary, I messed up. I thought moving to SanMyshuno would give me the freedom
browntrait: Dear Diary, I messed up. I thought moving to SanMyshuno would give me the freedom I thought I could never have in Willow Creek, but I feel more trapped now than ever. Penny tried to warn me that city life was fast. It was naïve of me not to take her warning seriously. The first time I stepped off this train, I was broke but filled with hope. Now, sitting here in the musty underbelly of the city, lugging the last of my belongings across town, each passing minute felt like karmic punishment. Maybe it was for what happened with Raj? Geeta had every reason to tell him to stay away, if I would have known how much I’d disappoint him one day then I wouldn’t of liked me either. Or maybe this was the universe getting back at me for Victor. I hated thinking of sneaking out of his apartment, his beautiful wife, his expensive cologne, and what I’d done. Things with Dirk are…fine, but we haven’t talked about what we mean to each other. How long can that go on? I had failed in many ways, especially in making a difference. Running from job to job, thinking I could change a city I had just become a part of. I had lost sight of my purpose. Why did I move here? It wasn’t to get caught up in nightclubs, in pulling all nighters just to keep the lights on. It wasn’t so I could lie to my friends, hiding in penthouses of the men who don’t even call me by my name. So, I’m starting over, and trying to be better. To be a true friend. To be someone who can love, without fear or shame. To be someone who uses my story to help others. I always understood books more than I did people. I guess now, I’ll have to do both. With love, Fallon [transcript below] Keep reading -- source link
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