mastersslutslave: A hurtful language… When it’s quiet a message is being reinforced a m
mastersslutslave: A hurtful language… When it’s quiet a message is being reinforced a message that was taught not by you but those before you, those who didn’t understand how traumatizing it was. Being locked in a cupboard as a child it wasn’t the lack of freedom that scared me it was the silence, it was not knowing when it would end, when someone would bother to talk to me again. Ironically it reinforced in me my own silence a resolve to not speak or show emotions. Having been married to a man who used silence as a weapon, a way of making me feel unworthy, silence tells me that now, that I am not worth your time or connection, that I am no better than I ever have been before. None of that is your fault and it’s unfair for you to pay the price, it is however the way my mind works, it is the commentary that I hear in silence. If I go quiet you know that I have begun the shutdown, I can’t take it anymore in that moment, I am hurting and don’t know how to cope. You see self discovery messages about sitting in silence, for me I can be in silence but I have to have something to do something to concentrate on a focus outside of myself. Please understand that silence is a message a palpable message whether it’s received or given it has a language all of it’s own, a hurtful language. -- source link