mastersslutslave: “Why the negative”… In the last week I have let the negative wi
mastersslutslave: “Why the negative”… In the last week I have let the negative win, I have let the opinions of others win. It has been with the love and support of so many that I again put myself out here for your discernment and judgement, that I lay myself bare for all to see. The question is why as @instructor144 so eloquently put it “How you hear the “you sucks” so much louder than a million “Atta girls” hit so hard? Even though the people saying the negatives had no true meaning in my life they still had an impact. It doesn’t have to be hurtful nastiness that actually has this impact it can be a simple “I’m disappointed in you” from our significant others. The bottom line is my mind is wired to serve, to make happy, to be of use, to put you before me, and the “you suck” or the “I’m disappointed” cuts like a knife to my core. If you are someone who I hold dear and I feel that I have let you down, that I have failed in some way, and that I have not lived up to your expectation. You can say “Good Girl” or “You are forgiven” I will carry the negative not for a minute, or an hour, but for days and weeks, even at times forever. There have been things that I have done that @prostatorgasm has said “that saddens me” and let me tell you those things each and every one are burned into my psyche, I have made a mental check list to NEVER do them again at any cost. For me his happiness is my world it is my reason. Take note all who care for someone like me, the negative takes so much longer to heal than the positive sustains us. Now don’t get all pious and say I have no self-esteem, I work hard on that every single day, I know it is a failing, but above and beyond that is the need to serve and make happy. We all have our story as to how our self-esteem become battered and bruised. Here is a little glimpse into how it happened for me…. Abused for seven years by a family member, parents found out and it was decided not by me but by them that it was needed to be kept quiet (it was the time it was a small country town, it wasn’t right but it was what it was) met to be husband at 19 married at 23 he abused me through words and emotional put downs. We all have a story a reason that we have dents and bruises that never seem to heal. That along with the need to make happy and serve is exactly the reason for “Why the negative.” -- source link
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