dominantlife:FAQ For Newbies Used with permission from Fetlife user Talenteddom I receive many que
dominantlife: FAQ For Newbies Used with permission from Fetlife user Talenteddom I receive many questions that have long complex answers. Some of the impressions present in the minds of young submissives are truly disturbing to me. I will capture some of my opinions here to share with everyone. The BDSM scene is full of misconceptions and arcane artificial play procedures that make it confusing for a newbie. I have full respect for the Old Guard and those that prefer full Protocol. To a new observer, many important aspects of the deeper relationships between players in a scene are not apparent. The appearance of nonconsensual play when a submissive is in bondage, or the appearance of suffering when a Master punishes his slave, is disturbing at first sight. Rest assured that Dungeon Monitors are always present, and the scenes are mutually desired by everyone involved. Unfortunately new people use search engines to explore and they wind up on very popular but rather rude BDSM porn websites. The industry has forgotten the beautiful loving aspects of bondage. Most pay websites only show discipline, punishment, mind games, piercing, tattoos, painful punishments, brutal sex, abusive treatment, extremely advanced play, and so on. Young Doms missed the entire span of Harmony Communications, Bondage Life, and the associated philosophy. How sad to see this change….Do some searching on those terms to see what I mean. It is silly to play at BDSM without positive intentions and without focus on pleasuring the submissive. Every loving couple you see at a dungeon is playing in ways the submissive adores. It just looks scary to the audience. This first impression may give you the idea that in order to be a “Good Submissive”, you must agree to endure painful suffering ordeals. This is a vastly different idea than what is actually happening. If you watch couples closely, you will see that the submissive is feeling pleasure. The effort and work of her Dominant are focused on that pleasure. Make sure your desires and limits are known. Don’t play with a selfish or abusive Dom. Take your time. Experiment with self bondage alone while you fantasize and have stress free orgasms. Let your body and mind grow comfortable with thesensations. Tie yourself to the bed with just one hand free… you will figure out what to do. Let your imagination run wild. The more you work to simulate a real play session with orgasms while you are alone, the easier to will be to have orgasms with a partner. When you first play with a new Dom, set a limit of no penetration to allow your body to adapt to his touch without sex. A sexy way to do this (that I love to see) is to wear no panties under sheer pantyhose. I love to find excuses to make my submissive wear nylons. Agree that the Dom may not open or remove the crotch section in any way. This puts just a thin sexy layer of protection on you, but still lets him touch you to extreme arousal. A vibrator works wonders, and spanking over pantyhose is super sexy. That gentle caress over silky skin after your bottom is bright red is a treat. Regardless of how the session goes you get to control how tightly you are tied, how intense all sensations will be, and when you are released. Session script and limits cannot be changed during the session. Only between sessions can changes be agreed upon. The idea is to eliminate fear, anxiety, and risk. That way you can relax and enjoy. If you both like the results, then YOU decide how far to go next time. Now a few comments on how to negotiate bondage and stimulation adventures.The events in a scene are ALWAYS controlled 100% by the pre negotiated script and pain limits are ALWAYS set by the person subjected to the pain. If your Dom fails to understand and embrace these concepts you MUST leave him and explain exactly why he is deficient in his skills. NEVER agree to play with a person that does not honor your limits every single time you play. Doing so will RUIN your ability to develop conditioning that associates the session experiences you crave with your arousal and orgasm. This process is critical for a novice. If you have bad experiences now it will turn you OFF and prevent you from living out your fantasies. Read my profile. There are men that know what to do. If your man is an idiot and a fool do not tolerate him. Give him one chance to get educated. If he fails he isnot for you. Keep searching for new men until you find one that loves you dearly and lives each day only to give you pleasure. If you like a tiny bit of pain with your pleasure he will knowhow to satisfy your needs. Watch him work as he touches you. If he is gently hurting you as you requested his eyes must be locked to your eyes as he learns yoursensitivity and your limits. If you don’ t see this skill, and he cannot learn it, move on. The D/S community suffers from bad image due to incompetent players.You deserve better treatment. Don’ t ever allow a man to treat you in a cruel or abusive manner. The social environment of the D/S scene does not provide a haven for abusive people, but much of the material on porn sites implies non consensual force. The fine print explains that actors are professional and no one is harmed, but very few people read fine print! Take the time to talk about your desires and limits. Be patient with safety precautions. Use common sense and enjoy the discovery of your fantasies in a positive way. The more you teach your Dominant about what you like and what name is you orgasm, the more fun you will have. As I always say, Be Careful What You Wish For, or BCWYWF! — more articles in the Library For Kinksters. -- source link
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