dominantlife: fortheloveofasubmissive:Sub Frenzy – A Seductive State of Potential Trouble The
dominantlife: fortheloveofasubmissive:Sub Frenzy – A Seductive State of Potential Trouble The lifestyle or love style of Dominance and submission is a seductive one with its promise of highly focused devotion and intense sensual and sexual pleasures. It is easy to believe from popularization in mass entertainment and readily available online imagery that somehow Dominance and submission is the answer to all of our desires and prayers for a relationship and sensuality. Indeed, whether online or in person, there is an endorphin-filled high that can be achieved in the early days of a D/s relationship. New Dominants are often over eager for prove their “Dominance” and in so doing can overreach their knowledge and native abilities in their quest to be the “perfect” Dom or simply to attract attention. Similarly, new submissives are equally eager to attract the attentions of a Dominant and feel compelled to “prove” their submission when they eventually find one. As with any new relationship there is a honeymoon period where everything seems perfect no matter how imperfect things may be. In the vanilla world this phenomenon is called “romantic love” in which the brain is flooded with pleasure and reward at the mere mention or sight of the new object of affection. Common sense and rationality are routinely overcome by the flood of endorphins we experience at the thought of our new companion. In this period we are often incapable of seeing the faults or flaws in others or serious incompatibilities that may be obvious to others but to which we are blind. This is common and normal and not usually all that dangerous as long as we do not do something totally rash or life altering during this period of emotional and sensual high that we may subsequently regret. If we give ourselves time to settle down and sort things out we will usually come to our senses and either affirm our place in the relationship or wisely decide to move on. In a D/s relationship we are subject to all of the pitfalls of romantic love in the vanilla world but add significantly greater peril to the equation. In addition to the usual romantic and sensual attractions and distractions of a any new relationship we add an exchange of power, heightened and new sexual activity, and for those who engage in sado-masochistic activities potentially intense stimuli. In essence, we take the endorphin high of any new relationship and amp it up by many orders of magnitude. This is part of the attraction of D/s to be sure but it also makes our ability to act as rational human beings even more challenging than normal by deeply clouding our ability to make good decisions or even protect our welfare. This is a particularly perilous place for a submissive who already has all the pitfalls of any new relationship to be concerned with but then may also be giving up power, authority, and even self-will to their new partner. Being submissive, the tendency is to fully trust a Dominant to be responsible and caring, and to be subservient to them in many ways. Even if there is some question about how things are going on the part of a submissive, there is a natural reluctance to question authority or to stand up for themselves. Doing so seems to be “against the rules” and off limits in some way and can exacerbate the already cloudy judgement found in romantic love. Sadly, some so called Dominants will even pray upon this natural tendency and use it to their advantage in ways that might be less than responsible. The state of mind frequently experienced by new submissives or even experienced submissives in a new and powerful relationship is often referred to as “sub frenzy.” This is a time when a submissive may be overwhelmed by the emotions and physical stimuli of a new D/s relationship (or even the idea or promise of such a relationship) and they fall all over themselves to please and be pleasing without much concern for their own emotional well being or even physical safety. This period is characterized by a desire to try and do everything at once, prove just how submissive they are or can be, please their Dominant at all cost, and do almost anything not to make a mistake or disappoint. The attraction to their Dominant is intense and almost overwhelming. The need for attention and validation is intense and an otherwise emotionally healthy individual can find themselves driven by neediness, jealously, attention seeking, people pleasing, and a host of other negative traits that may heretofore be foreign to them. Or in the case of a submissive who already had a tendency to these negative character traits they may become particularly pronounced in the zeal of “sub frenzy.” We are all subject to intense feelings and needs in new relationships, Doms and subs alike, but the circumstances are particularly perilous for submissives as they throw themselves at the feet of a Dominant who may or may not be educated and experienced in D/s or perhaps may be less than scrupulous. Lets face it, not everyone claiming to be a Dominant is a healthy or well-adjusted person, some are and some aren’t. We are all people and we run the gammut of society like any other group, ranging from saints to criminals and everything in between. The good news is that most Dominants are just average people who have a desire to express their relationships a little differently than the majority of society. But as with all shopping experiences caveat emptor (buyer beware) is the operative phrase, and being a cautious shopper is not easy when you are completely overcome with desire for the shiny new object. Whether it is a car, a new pair of shoes, a piece of jewelry you simply cannot live without, or a Dominant, it is all too easy to be overcome with desire only to have a serious case of buyer’s remorse later on. In the case of shopping for a Dominant, the penalties of impulse buying and being totally infatuated with your purchase can have serious and lasting effects; emotionally, physically, and even socially. Sub frenzy is real, very intense, and can lead to some very poor judgement and decision making. There is no real cure for it as we all get excited and enamored with our new relationships. In point of fact, to some degree we should be excited. It’s fun! But the best defense against doing something totally rash and potentially harmful in this prolonged state of delirium is to be aware that it is happening and be on guard for actions that might seem irrational in any other phase of our lives. It is also advisable to have someone rational and experienced whom you can confide in and who can check your motives and actions BEFORE you take them. This can be a friend, an experienced submissive, or an impartial, objective, and experienced Dominant. Have a mentor and a chaperone of sorts to help you see things objectively, someone who can see things through clear eyes and has the ability to pull you up short before you make a serious mistake. This can be hard to find when all of our traditional friends, family and coworkers would consider our exploration of D/s and BDSM to be absurd, irrational, dirty, or even deviant. It can be hard to find like-minded people whom we can trust to have our best interests at heart and whom we respect sufficiently to actually listen when they are telling us something we desperately do not want to hear. Obviously there are many similarly minded people gathering in places online with whom we can interact and compare notes but it is difficult to ascertain their level of experience and credibility. This is where reaching out in person to the D/s or BDSM community in your own geographic area can be very helpful. It is always easier to judge people in person than online since so much of our communication is through non-verbal (or written) means. Almost anywhere you go or live you can find gatherings of like-minded D/s souls that are open to the public and to which newcomers are readily welcomed. These are generally called munches and are usually held in a public location such as a restaurant or bar. Attendees most often wear street clothes and in fact fetish wear is often prohibited out of respect to vanilla patrons of the establishment at which the gathering is held. Munches are a great way to meet people, share common interests and generally become ingratiated into a new community. They are non-threatening events that are purely social in nature and I encourage anyone new to the D/s scene to participate. You can find lists of munches through Internet searches, by searching public events on social media outlets such as FetLife, and there is a good web site dedicated to tracking and listing munches called Find A Munch; a link is available in “The Reference Room” on this blog. Attending munches and meeting other submissives and Dominants is a good way to learn, see first hand what falls within the norms of acceptability in the BDSM community, and possibly meet a mentor or compatriot who can help guide you through the excitement and irrationality of sub frenzy. Awareness, education, preparation, and objective outside counsel is key to success in navigating sub-frenzy and I urge anyone contemplating undertaking a new D/s relationship to do their homework, talk things over with an experienced and objective third party, and go in with eyes wide open. You may be a submissive but you are still an autonomous human being with the ability to make decisions and stand up for yourself. Do not lose yourself completely. Caveat emptor and enjoy the ride. Caption © For the Love of a Submissive, 2015 Image credit unknown—more articles in the Library For Kinksters. -- source link
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