Motherhood terrifies Hermione. Failure has always been her deepest fear. As with so many perfectioni

Motherhood terrifies Hermione. Failure has always been her deepest fear. As with so many perfectionists, the simple idea of not succeeding filled Hermione with dread. But in the past when she had failed- in class, at flying, at making friends- she had always been able to make it right eventually. She’d dropped the class or practiced on her own or fought a giant mountain troll and won people over. That is not an option with a child. When you fail with a child, the books tell her, they fail at life. They don’t get the nutrients they need for a strong immune system, or their ability to bond with other people is irreparably damaged, or you give birth to the next Lord Voldemort. Ron starts finding the parenting books in the toilet, the water inky black from the notes that Hermione filled the margins with and can no longer stand to look at. “Why don’t you talk to my Mum?” he suggests. “Or Ginny or Hannah? James and Demeter aren’t too badly off yet, they must be doing something right.” Instead, Hermione talks to Luna.  ~ “Why of course you’re scared” Luna says serenely over her cup of tea. “I’d be more worried if you weren’t.” The crushing weight in Hermione’s chest that has been growing proportionally with her belly finally lightens a little. “Really? I’m not just acting mad?” “My mother…” Luna’s words trail away, a sad light in her eyes. “My mother was a brilliant witch. My first memories of her are off sitting on the floor in her workroom while she experimented. Those are most of my memories of her, really. She got so lost in her spells sometimes that I think she forgot I was there. But after a while she’d always remember and smile at me and show me what she had done. But when she died…” Luna broke off again and looked directly at Hermione. “You are not my mother,” Luna says firmly. “What…why would you think I…” “Because that’s why you asked to speak to me isn’t it? I don’t have children yet, and you’ve always been closer to Ginny. But my mum was the brightest witch of her age. And it killed her.” Luna sips her tea as Hermione looks at her, agape. “My mother was always a bit reckless. Knowledge was her truest love, and she was never careful in her pursuit of it. She never set up the wards and safeguards that could have protected her because they would constrain her experiments. Even with me in the room, her work came first.” Luna’s hand shakes as she puts her cup down. “She loved me dearly, but her work came first. But you are not my mother.” “But I could be!” Hermione feels like her heart might break and burst at the same time. “I could be your mother! I know Ron feels like I spend far too much time at the office as it is, and I’m not going to take a long leave once the baby arrives, and I’m certainly not going to stay home with her! What if she hates me for it? What if I come home one day and she’s all grown and I missed it all? What if I fail?”  Luna sets her teacup down and takes Hermione’s hand. “You are going to fail at some point,” Luna says, “That’s how life works, and you know it. But you’re sitting here, crying to Loony Luna about things you haven’t done to the daughter you haven’t met yet. You’re doing what all good mothers do- you’re worrying. And more importantly, you’re going to love her. And you’re never going to stop.” ~ Motherhood still terrifies Hermione. Anything that can’t be learned in a book, that doesn’t come with rules and boundaries is going to scare her witless. But she loves Rose Pandora Weasley. And she’s never going to stop. Source -- source link

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