herleadingman: Bringing Out the Best in Your Follower As a Leading Man, it is your right and respons
herleadingman: Bringing Out the Best in Your Follower As a Leading Man, it is your right and responsibility to give your follower corrective feedback that will help her grow and flourish as a submissive. This is a stark departure from vanilla relationships where both parties just get disappointed and mad at one another and revert to unhealthy methods to try to change the other person. In a Leader / follower relationship, the Leader corrects the follower and neither party tolerates bad relationship habits. New and inexperienced Leaders may struggle with how to actually hold their follower accountable or better yet, how to actually discipline them. So here are some thoughts as I work through these issues for myself. Acknowledge your responsibility. This takes place long before you actually are leading a follower. Come to grips with the fact that you are going to be put into a position to where you are responsible for giving corrective feedback. Do some introspective thinking about the types of discipline that you are comfortable putting in place. Do not feel compelled to discipline a certain way just because some popular blogger on Tumblr says that it should be done a certain way. You are not them and your follower is not their follower. You are the Leader of your relationship. Employ your methods. Refer to your right to discipline in your rules. When you are ready to Lead a follower, you should prepare for her rules that will govern the relationship. There should be a reference to the fact that discipline and correction will be a regular part of the relationship. Discuss this with your prospective follower and ensure that there is agreement. Figure out what works best for YOUR follower. Each follower is different. One follower may love spankings and the physical pain is more pleasure than punishment. There are three main forms of discipline that resonate with followers. The key for you is to figure out what works for your individual follower. The methods you will employ will vary for each follower, but you need to ensure that you are disciplining in a way that is most effective. The goal is not to go through the motions. You actually want to change her behavior. Knowing what works for her will increase your effectiveness. So how do you know which of these will be most effective? Ask her. She knows. In time, you can test these, but most followers know what they fear and will answer honestly. Fear of Disappointing her Leader Fear of Physical Pain Fear of Losing Rewards Prepare in advance to administer discipline and give correction. Now that you have a follower who has agreed to be subject to your discipline, you need to make sure that you have the tools necessary. This doesn’t just mean that you go out and buy a paddle. It may mean that you identify a certain place in your bedroom where discipline will be administered. Perhaps a certain chair. If your primary method of disciplining is spanking, you may choose to have a certain belt that you use when the spanking is for discipline. This may be helpful to distinguish in the mind of the follower that the spanking is for discipline and not for pleasure. When you tell her to go get “The Punisher” she will know that what she is about to experience is not for pleasure. Prepare to actually administer discipline before you begin. A Leader is in control of the follower and the relationship, but before He can lead, He has to be in control of Himself. Before you swing a belt or inflict any type of pain, make absolutely sure that you have mastered the anger and disappointment that you are feeling. If you haven’t, then physically remove yourself from your follower until you are ready to approach her with a sound mind. Take deep breaths. Develop a plan that will lead to your desired result. The fact that she is your follower does not give you the right to abuse her. You should know the difference between abuse and discipline. She should know the difference as well. Don’t let unhealthy behavior slide. You will completely undermine the work that you have been doing in training and guiding your follower if you are not holding her accountable to your rules. The rules will lose their meaning if they are not enforced. What’s worse than that is that she will lose respect for you. She is counting on you and literally needs you to step up and be the Leader. If the rules are important to you, they will be important to her. If they are not important to you, they will not be important to her. You are the Leader and she is following your lead. Be consistent in giving corrective feedback. Establish a nightly or weekly ritual whereby you have her kneel at your feet for the purpose of receiving both words of correction and praise. The heart of a follower is generally one that thrives when she knows that she is being pleasing. Tell her regularly how you feel. Your feedback will be important to her as it will guide her in the ways that she should modify her behavior. Keep in mind though that before you can do this, you have to be paying attention. So…pay attention. Setting a regular time for feedback will make you accountable to actually give feedback. Discipline her and restore her. Corrective feedback and the act of discipline is wonderful in that it allows the Leader and follower to deal with the conflict and then move on. It is dealt with. Move on. Don’t hang on to your anger or disappointment. Once you deal with it, let her know that she has been restored. Do this in both your words and your physical touch. Don’t distance yourself from her afterwards, thereby continuing the punishment. Touch her. Give her lap time. Use her title. Give her words that affirm who she is to you. If you continue to hang onto your anger and continue with unhealthy behaviors, you are no better off than a vanilla couple. We are better than that. 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