Make sure you read carefully, and give me your thoughts.fortheloveofasub: Submissive Traits - Servic
Make sure you read carefully, and give me your thoughts.fortheloveofasub: Submissive Traits - Service As a Dominant, I take a view of D/s as being something far deeper and emotionally grounded than simply having kinky sex with a committed partner. By the same token I cannot say that I carry it to the extreme of being a spiritual experience as some perceive it, though there are deep emotions involved to be sure. On balance, D/s for me is a construct for relating deeply with another person in a manner in which I am most comfortable. First and foremost I was raised in an environment where women were treated as equals, were to be respected, and where men demonstrated chivalrous traits and gentlemanly qualities. Doors were opened, chairs were held, coats offered or taken, flowers given, notes written, and sentiments of appreciation and endearment offered. Domestic duties were shared among partners. And while there were clear lines of responsibility that may have followed somewhat traditional (some might say old fashioned) lines, the women in my life were strong-willed, opinionated and often got their way. By the same token, the men in my life were strong, educated, hard-working, well-respected and kind. It was not idyllic but it was an upbringing firmly rooted in respect for the strengths of one another. So against that backdrop come I with my desire, no actually innate need, to be Dominant in a relationship. And this perhaps explains a little about how I came to adopt the particular brand of Dominance that I practice. You see, I do not view Dominance so much as something to be achieved but rather a natural state of being that requires a certain work ethic to maintain and perfect. I do not try to be dominant it just seems to happen, though I always strive to be better at it. Similarly, I do not force my Muse to kneel, she just needs to do so and always strives to perfect her craft. Because I was raised in an environment where men behaved as gentlemen and acted in a chivalrous manner, I naturally adopted some of those traits for myself. My brand of Dominance therefor stems from striving to be a person worthy of being followed. What Dominance I possess comes from being respected rather than being forceful, aggressive or manipulative. Submission as it exists in my relationship is a high form of respect from an equal, not a state of being reduced to something lower or less than. So clearly I am not the product of a misogynistic upbringing, indeed quite the opposite. There is no hatred or degradation of women where I come from. But there were some clear demarcations between the roles of the sexes to be sure. And that was not a negative thing at all. It was a place where differences in the sexes were celebrated and used to greatest advantage, not something to be stamped out in an effort at sameness. Difference is not synonymous with inequality. But despite rather traditional roles among the sexes in my upbringing there was equal effort by all. No one was sitting around expecting to be waited on or to be served. Everyone just did what they do best to contribute to the effort, as I believe it should be. So with this in mind, as a Dominant I do not take the approach that I expect to be waited on hand and foot. Yet a D/s relationship demands certain protocols and expectations that are laid out between partners. I like to be served and yet in truth I am equally of service to my Muse, just in different ways. But I think it is important to understand that being served is not the same as sitting around barking orders like, “Bring me my beer, rub my feet and blow me.” As a Dominant I am but a vessel for my submissive’s inate desire to be of service, and I achieve that by being worthy of being served. In my experience a submissive has a strong need to please and be pleasing and to serve the One they have deemed worthy of their submission. Service is indeed a bedrock expression of submissiveness. When life conspires to interfere with my Muse’s ability to serve and be her most pleasing and attentive self she actually begins to feel unworthy of my dominance and becomes her own worst critic. She also recognizes that when she is less than attentive or is “slacking” as she puts it, that it hurts me in some way that is difficult to define and thus it hurts her. Under these circumstances, not only do we miss one another and the duties of our bond, but a piece of ourselves is actually missing too. Such is the interdependence of a Dominant and submissive. Dominance in its highest forms is an intense commitment to a relationship and to a submissive. A submissive recognizes and appreciates this commitment on the part of her Dominant and strives to be equally devoted. A submissive’s attentiveness, devotion and obedience manifests itself in service; always striving to please and be pleasing to the Dominant who devotes themselves utterly and completely to their submissive. Much like the men and women in my upbringing, no one is working harder than the other. It is a shared responsibility. The effort may look different between Dom and sub, and indeed on the surface it may appear as though the submissive is making all the effort while the Dominant sits back and appreciates it. But a closer examination will reveal that it takes more than giving orders with authority to achieve what my Muse and I have. Few moments pass when I am not thinking of my Muse and how I can do more to be a better and more competent Dominant for her. Like teachers, where only a fraction of their overall effort is evident in the classroom, a Dominant puts in considerable mental and practical effort “off hours” to make the experience of the submissive all that it can be. We do this to be worthy of submission, to guide and lead our submissive to a place where they are most happy and fulfilled, and of course to reap the rewards of that submission both physically and emotionally. A submissive serves not only because they have an internal need to do so but also because someone has finally come along who is worthy of that service and knows how to receive it gracefully, appreciatively and without fear of it being abused or taken for granted. Indeed it is given to the One who will challenge the submissive to do even more in a way that actually encourages them to do so. Few submissives I know would kneel on aching knees for prolonged periods patiently and eagerly awaiting the next wish or command of just anyone. Yet most submissives I know would do so tirelessly for the Dominant who has won them over, heart, mind, body and spirit. It kills me when I see so-called “Doms” bluster about, commanding “submissives” they do not even know. Even the most submissive among us would not kneel and serve a stranger just because that stranger told them to do so (unless of course the order came from their Dominant…but that is another story). Service, even if it is performed on someone else, is ultimately given to the Dominant who has earned the submission and given the direction. But this is straying into an entirely different topic, that of a submissive being shared with others by their Dominant, something that I personally have no interest in doing. Service being offered and given by a submissive is an act of devotion and love. It fulfills a need within the submissive that has often been missing from prior relationships where service was either not expected or where it had a tendency to be abused. A Dominant serves as the vessel into which this need to serve can be poured endlessly and indeed challenged further. Anything that interferes with this ability to serve and be of service leaves the submissive feeling unworthy, unfulfilled or both. Ironically, the Dominant, by acting as this vessel for the receipt of service is in fact performing a service of their own and it is the effort of being worthy of such service that makes being a Dominant so challenging and rewarding. Service by a submissive comes in many forms and need not always be overtly sexual, domestic, or otherwise obedient. Simply being present, devoted and attentive is a service all its own, and perhaps the most prized and valued of all. Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013 Image Credit Unknown -- source link