onlymonica: My New Job: Reporter in the White House Press PoolHi thereTumblrsphere! This
onlymonica: My New Job: Reporter in the White House Press PoolHi thereTumblrsphere! This is Monica Talbot, and I just landed a gig as a cub reporter in the White House press pool. Wow –it’s so cool!! I’m just an intern at the newspaper where I work, but my boss called in all the female staff and told us they’re looking for a ‘fresh new face’ to cover the Trump presidency, and hopefully get some attention from the Big Man himself. I’m so happy I was selected, even though I’m the least experienced. And all we had to do was list our body measurements, and then walk up and down the hall. Anyway, they must have picked up on my eagerness and potential. So, in case you missed Trump’s first major news conference since being elected, here are my notes. (Don’t bother checking these against all those elite mainstream ‘fake news’ organizations who only report lies).TRUMP’S OPENING REMARKS: We’re assembling an amazing team of truly phenomenal people. These are people who do fantastic things – awesome things – and everyone is going to love them and appreciate their awesomeness. It’s going to be marvelous. Things are actually – ACTUALLY – going to get done, and they will be awesome things. Probably some will be more awesome than others – that happens – but the American people will benefit from all the awesomeness that happens. All of it. We’ve already accomplished some awesome things, and we’re not even sworn in yet. Many of you probably noticed that the sun rose this morning, on time and on budget. And I assure you that me and my team will make sure it rises every day on my watch. And after the sun has done its daytime thing, we’ll let it set, but it will always – ALWAYS, rise again the next morning. This is just one of the awesome things we’ll be doing. Our transition process has been superb, and just keeps getting better. I think we are assembling, quite possibly, the most talented cabinet ever. And this is because I am recruiting the most amazing people who ever walked on this earth. It’s true – they all want to be a part of this historic, totally magnificent effort. Within a very short period of time, I expect I will have become the greatest president of all time. It might take a few months – maybe only a few weeks, but could be a few months – but it will happen. And I’m talking the greatest. Lincoln did some good stuff – pretty darn good stuff– but he couldn’t even finish his second term. I like presidents who don’t get shot. FDR did some pretty decent things too, but really – how does a nation follow a guy that can’t walk by himself. When I walk, you see how tall and magnificent I look. O.K. – I’m going to take a few questions before I get back to the business of creating the most amazing governing team in the history of the world. WASHINGTON POST: Mr. Trump: Do you have any comments on the recently revealed but unsubstantiated reports that Russian interests may have compromising information about you?TRUMP: O.K. First, I’m very disappointed by this particular leak from our 'intelligence’ agencies, and these allegations are totally baseless. The media is all of a sudden fascinated by 'fake news’, and this is another example of it. Why isn’t the media pursuing real news stories, like that fact that hundreds of millions of people who voted for me – HUNDREDS of MILLIONS of them – their votes weren’t counted. It’s true. It’s sad, but it’s true. But I won, so I’m not pushing the story that much. But they should be looking into it, instead of 'fake news’ stories like my dealings with Russia, my so-called conflicts of interests, and my taxes. Has the media forgotten about the mortal threat that Hillary’s private email server presents? FOLLOW UP QUESTION: But Mr. Trump, can you please respond to the allegations that the Russians may have evidence of you having sexual relations with Russian prostitutes? TRUMP: Listen, I’m a businessman, and I find this discussion totally illogical. Look, why would any American guy have to actually pay for sex in Russia? Instead of cash, we have the ultimate 'Trump card’ – it’s called a Green Card. You wave that possibility in front of any Natasha or Anastasia and there’s no need to part with cash. Besides, I’m very much of a germaphobe, if you know me. And – believe me– Russian snatch can have some nasty microbes, so the story is totally erroneous. FOLLOW UP QUESTION: So aren’t you concerned that this might become a bigger, long term issue?TRUMP: Not at all. Even though it’s totally false, we’re confident that we have the tools to prevent falsehoods like this from ever emerging again. Next question!CHICAGO TRIBUNE: Sir, can you elaborate on your recent statement that Obamacare will be simultaneously repealed and replaced? Is something this complicated possible in such a short time?TRUMP: Yes.FOLLOW UP QUESTION: Can you tell us how that’s possible, and what we should anticipate?TRUMP: O.K. First – Obamacare was a complete—-and total—disaster. Every day, more than a thousand Americans die. PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY DYING UNDER OBAMACARE! That’s sad. It’s sad because they don’t get to live anymore, and then there are the funerals. Funerals are sad. Do you know what I tell my friends when they tell me they’re going to a funeral? I tell them 'oh, that’s so sad’. It’s true. We will repeal, and very quickly replace Obamacare. It might be simultaneous, or it might take a week. Perhaps it might take only ten minutes. These things can be difficult to predict, because it’s complicated. But I can assure you that it will be fantastic, cheaper, and more people will live. O.K. Final Question!BBC NEWS: Mr. Trump - can you update us on the status of how you’re planning to step back from your many business interests in order to manage potential conflicts of interest?TRUMP: Good question. Over to my right you’ll see stacks of files representing most of my business interests. I’m planning to dump one-half of the folders in front of my son Donald Jr.’s house, and the other half in front of my son Eric’s house. Then, we’ll just pretend like nothing happened. Now, with one of my businesses I’m going to have my boys flip a coin. And that’s for the Miss Universe pageant business, because it comes with special 'inventory inspection’ privileges. Those are pretty special privileges, and believe me, the older you get, the more special they become. But it’s all about the product. Always about the product.Anyway, I think this is the easiest way to eliminate any of this talk about conflicts of interest. But I think you all need to remember that I won this election by the widest margin ever in political history. And I’m including all those bogus elections in the old Soviet Union and Cuba, where the incumbent got like 99% of the vote. So all this whining by the tiny number of losers has just got to stop. Listen folks, I’d love to stay longer, but I have to get back to creating the most phenomenal, talented, and dedicated team ever composed in the galaxy. EXCELLENT !!!! -- source link