swinggoodtime: I’m a Swinger: Guest Post by Samantha Rodman This anonymous
swinggoodtime: I’m a Swinger: Guest Post by Samantha Rodman This anonymous guest post is awesome, and gives a window into everything you always wanted to know about this lifestyle. Admit it, you were curious. And by the way, she has a preschooler. She wins “Cool Mom” hands down. Take it away, Swinging Reader! Submitted by Anonymous How we got started, in a nutshell: a few years ago my husband and I had been married about 8 years with one preschooler. We are fairly adventurous as far as adult toys and porn is concerned and there were a couple of fantasies that had always made us both hot. We had talked about going on a date to one of the local strip clubs, and while looking online he noticed they had a “swinger night”. One thing led to another and he told me he signed us up for one of the websites so we could learn more. I was both shocked and intrigued. A lot of discussion occurred. A. LOT. I had a ton of questions and a TON of rules and guidelines I wanted to agree upon before we stepped out of the house. After a couple of weeks of talking (which might be the most stressful part) we agreed to see where this leads. I don’t want to give the impression that he talked me into anything, because he didn’t. My hesitation was more along the lines of “what will people think?” and “OMG STD’s?!”, and I finally decided that I would regret not checking this out, especially since the agreement was that either one of us could pull the plug at any time without risk or backlash. So here’s what I learned: 1. The first big change? My husband and I have never been closer than while we were swinging. We suddenly wanted to talk and it spilled over into everything else. Usually we fought about money, and now we were calming discussing and agreeing on any issues. We had a deeper connection all before we even left the house. This wasn’t something we did to try to save a marriage, but it did make our pretty good one better. 2. I thought I was going to have a harder time with the actual swinging and jealousy. He had two rules, safe sex and only things that made me happy. I had way more rules, so many that I can’t even remember them, much less list them. We both agreed that we would only do what we both agreed to, it made it easier for me to break my own rules (as long as they didn’t break any of his rules). So when I finally got comfortable and moved full steam ahead, I was surprised at how NOT well he took our first threesome. It wasn’t jealousy. It was frustration. It turns out, he had very specific scenarios that he was trying to play out in real life, and those weren’t coming out as planned. We finally agreed that he had to let up on the control side of things and go with the flow, otherwise it wasn’t any fun for anyone.So we did it again. And that was much better. Takeaway? Always do weird sex things at least twice, if you didn’t hate it. It’s always strange the first time. 3. Most swingers are older than I expected. I would say the majority we met are empty-nesters or close to it. Which makes sense because super late nights (or early mornings) plus kids plus finding a babysitter is a nightmare. I actually long for an empty nest, or even just someone to babysit my kids for the weekend. If you’re wondering, I don’t assume everybody is a swinger, nor am I picturing my non-swinger friends in that type of scenario. I do often make friends with people we met at a club and we meet out just for dinner and drinks on a casual basis. 4. Plenty of people who go to swingers clubs don’t actually have sex with anybody else. Lots of couples go just to watch or flirt or see their spouse get hit on. It’s pretty cool. If you’ve ever wanted to go, you should totally go. Everybody is respectful and understands that each couple has their own boundaries.Most people will start up a regular conversation with you, much like they do when you’re at a work or social event. The difference is that sex is a much more likely topic after the first few minutes than It would be if you were at a baseball game. Many people would like to go to a club, but are intimidated.Please know there is a lot of respect going on, which was a pleasant and reassuring surprise. 5. The people and their quirks are weird. Maybe they’re not weird, but it isn’t what we have in our life on a daily basis. We would get done with a date or at the club and almost always we would giggle about how weird it was. Someone kisses funny. Someone tweaks their nipples when they orgasm. How can someone with such white hair have such dark pubes? There wasn’t anything wrong with them, and these certainly aren’t things I would want those people overhearing, but for us, it was a bonding moment and the mutual understanding that nobody comes close to us and what we have. 6. I’ve never been hotter or more confident than when I’m going to a swinger club – which is the opposite of what I expected. My self confidence is not always that great, but when we decided to try out a club for the first time I went in with a nervous, but open mind. I went in knowing I wouldn’t be having sex with anybody but my husband that night (and that would be when we got home), and it was so freeing. We watched, we talked, we made friends, we saw things we can’t unsee. It was way better than dinner date and a boring movie. The sex after was really good, too. 7. This does not consume our lives. Being a swinger is not how we define ourselves. We haven’t been able to participate in much of anything since we got pregnant with and had our second child. It is something that we aren’t ashamed of, but it’s definitely something we keep private. Our close friends don’t know.Our kids are never exposed to anything, and nothing happens in our house. We fit it in when we have time and want to spice things up a little, which works well for us. 8. I did more than I thought I would, and probably will again. I’m realizing my boundaries can be slowly relaxed if and when I am ready, and that they will be respected. This has allowed me to explore, which again, is a very empowering and freeing feeling. This is not something that I’m “going along with” for the sake of my husbands curiosity. It’s something I wondered about and wanted to try. I’m very glad I did, and I’m looking forward to when our schedule allows for more. Share the good life… Swing! ASwingingGoodTime.com -- source link