baroniansmythe: Some thoughts and helpful advice for anyone that saw the Fifty Shades movie and is l
baroniansmythe: Some thoughts and helpful advice for anyone that saw the Fifty Shades movie and is looking to explore their new-found urges. 1. You are NOT broken - I know you just watched the movie (I did too) and you saw the leading man flip his shit and talk about being fifty shades of fucked up and needing to punish her. Just because you are curious about BDSM or even if you’ve been into it for a while, you are NOT broken. Cliche I know, but kinks are like flavors of ice cream… everyone has their favorite and it doesn’t make you weird or damaged.2. You don’t need a lot of “toys” - In the movie, he has a “red room of pain” complete with awesome bed, implements, a variety of ways to tie someone down and all of the accoutrements. In the real world, all you need is a desire and a few things that you both like which don’t have to be super expensive. Better to be really good with a few things than look like a fool with more toys than you can safely use.3. COMMUNICATION - If you are looking at this from the perspective of someone already in a “vanilla” relationship and you want to explore more, that is GREAT. More power to you. You do NOT need a contract but you DO need to communicate with your partner and decide on what you each like, don’t like, want and don’t want. Communication is so important.4. CONSENT - I do not care if you have been dating for two weeks or married for twenty years, consent is MANDATORY. If your partner has not consented to being tied up, flogged, gagged or having items inserted into his/her body, it is CRIMINAL. Guess work or “I thought she’d like it” is NO substitute for informed consent.5. Aftercare - You know that part where he put her over his knee and spanked her for rolling her eyes? A glaring mistake to me in that scene was his utter lack of aftercare. Whether it’s a punishment spanking or whether it’s impact play or anything else that involves intense sensation (such as a hitachi magic wand and forced orgasms) aftercare is not only a good idea but is required. Remember would-be Dominants, the submissive is your responsibility, care for him/her as if they were the most important person in the universe.6. Safe Words - One thing I really enjoyed in the movie was when he first started a scene with her, he asked her to recite her safe words so that they both understood that she knew them. Safe words are NOT enough. Make sure you watch body language, listen to breathing, the sounds that are made and if your submissive appears incapable of using the safe word, STOP what you are doing immediately, take charge and end the scene to care for him/her.If you follow these, your start into a BDSM life will be far better and much less harmful to you and others and you will not be disillusioned about your kinks by a work of FICTION. - Ian -- source link