It was dawn, and she didn’t know what to think. The night stretched out behind her like a
It was dawn, and she didn’t know what to think. The night stretched out behind her like a an empty highway, so many lights that had flitted past her window without note, her mind registering them for a second, and then gone, replaced by the next. Events had happened, but the reasons for them had run away from her long ago. She’d been done. She’d done. And somehow she was ok. A different somehow had brought her to the lake edge at the bottom of the house. She could still hear a few of them behind her, muted by distance, just dissonant tones that were completely unintelligible. It didn’t matter, they were elsewhere. She was alone, and she wanted to be. The grass felt cold underneath her toes. She wanted to say good, that it was refreshing, but it just felt clammy, some slimy residue of the previous night, a dew that she was disturbing before it was ready. She could see the flush eking out around the edges of her thighs. She dreaded to think what her rear looked like. She’d asked him, she remembered that much. Perhaps asked was too pedestrian, conservative. And the night had been neither of those things. A room away, him pushing her up against the wall, and then her asking him. Her pleading with him. Her begging. She bit her lip and blushed. She didn’t smile. Rejected by the bank, with its mud and its water, she stood. It was enough to be washed, she decided. That would get rid of the worst of it, the best of it. Confusion would slip away like a smear, and she’d be clear again. She’d be able to understand it, understand why she wanted it. She would look out across that still, dead body of water, and she’d know why she’d begged. She stepped. The water made her gasp, but she didn’t slow down. It grabbed at her dress, clinging to it, to her, some haphazard lover that groped without intent. It was up to her waist now. She saved it some time, dropped down, under it. She surged back up into the air, and gasped again. She felt better. She didn’t understand any more than when she was dry, but she felt better. Perhaps that was all that mattered. -- source link
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