Into the Dark I’m getting comfortable.  Which, if I’m quite honest, freaks

Into the Dark I’m getting comfortable.  Which, if I’m quite honest, freaks me the fuck out. It’s the right kind of anxious; the kind where vertigo comes from, some base instinct that sits at the back of room with one patient hand raised.  “Excuse me, but I think now would be a great moment to take a breath and actually have a look at where you are right now. You see that ledge, to your right? Take your time, don’t lean too much. Yes, that ledge. Don’t fall off it. That would be bad.” My polite, condescending voice has foregone the usual polite candour and has stood up and is looking rather pointedly at me these days. I’m wandering along that edge with a rather large smile on my face.  It’s not that I’m not aware that I’m dabbling with things that aren’t 100% safe. In the beginning this was just about control, a little light spanking, perhaps letting you taste the sensation of choking without ever really threatening your oxygen supply. But here the term ‘slippery slope’ has led to an avalanche. I’m freefalling.  They say when you’re in an avalanche you should try swimming. If D/s has informed me of anything, it’s that maybe Jung was right about all of his Egos. There is nothing in this world that allows me to distil myself more than a scene, split myself like oil and water into two parts; the fucked up pervert and the conscientious adult.  It’s that guy at the back of the room, the one standing up with his arms folded at the moment. He’s got the reins, most of the time, and each time I know I can rely on him it allows me to be a little bolder the next.  I want to choke you till you black out, next time. I want to spank you until you bruise. I want to leave you with a cut that takes a few days to heal. I want to leave you with something that will last, beyond the memories. With the memories.  Just, y'know, give it time. -- source link

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