sinslife: This post has been kinda hard to write so I’m just going to write it and not go back
sinslife: This post has been kinda hard to write so I’m just going to write it and not go back and edit it or I’ll just keep deleting everything I say so I’m sorry for any typos lol. Ever since moving to Las Vegas from our former home in Maui I have admittedly totally lost my way. When I lived in Maui, I worked out with my personal trainer 5x a week, I did yoga almost every day, and I counted every single calorie I ate 6 days a week with 1 epic cheat day. I had never been happier than this. I was so healthy and my body was getting better and better every day and I felt so good about myself. I know it might seem like a lot of work to count all your calories and macros every day but I had such a good time doing it, and I never felt gross after a meal and I felt so ACCOMPLISHED. My head was so clear and happy and I was SO healthy phsyically and emotionally… and I never got sick or felt gross or bad about myself. When we moved here I immediately started working so much (29-30 days a month) that I didn’t have time to workout, and definitely don’t have time to count my macros and eat clean because it’s just simply easier to grab something on the go. I started drinking a lot. When I feature dance (for those who don’t know, feature dancing means strip clubs hire pornstars to “feature” dance/host their club for the night) I have to get so fucked up to deal with feature dancing that it’s really not healthy, and that’s why I have decided to quit feature dancing all together. My last show is in Vegas at the end of October and then I am done. I am an addict by nature and just can’t handle being in that environment without getting too fucked up, it’s as simple as that. So now I eat whatever whenever, gross fast food and garbage food in general and I don’t work out and I get fucked up. It’s exactly opposite of how I was in Maui. And I need to change that!!!!!!! More importantly than losing all my fitness progress, I have really lost my way in my head. I am nervous, anxious, and although I’m still the happy person I always was, I’m not even close to as happy as I was. I started arguing with people I love, and just generally haven’t been as good as a friend to myself to anyone else. I have lost my way you guys :( I want to first of all say that I really do love shooting porn, especially for my own company. I really love it. I am in no way blaming porn for me losing my way… and I aim to prove that by just GETTING BACK INTO MY GROOVE. All I need to do is FOCUS on myself and my health. I think that quitting feature dancing is something that I need to do for my health, and is necessary for my health and if I just get back to working out and counting my macros again I can get back to where I was psychically and emotionally when I was living in Maui. Feature dancing also meant I was travelling a lot which meant I was never home and it was really hard for me. I’m not saying other girls can’t handle this but for me I can’t and so that’s why I’m stopping the featuring. I had a blast while it lasted though!!!!!!! I just need to center myself again. SO anyways, just writing you guys because it was a huge part of YOU GUYS that helped me on my Fitness Journey before, so I guess I’m looking to you again to help motivate me, and I hope I can motivate you again too!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!! Kissa Xxx -- source link