humansofnewyork:(7/8) “We got married on a Thursday to keep the cost low. We rented out the conserva
humansofnewyork:(7/8) “We got married on a Thursday to keep the cost low. We rented out the conservatory at Como Park, and just invited our families. Red stood next to me while we exchanged vows. And Lizzie looked perfect. She wore the most beautiful fitted dress. At our reception we danced to ‘Through The Years’ by Kenny Rogers, and I still like to send her those lyrics at random moments. Just to remind her how much I love her. It’s been almost two years since the wedding, but we’re closer today than the day we got married. I think we’d both say that. All of us would, Red too. The three of us are like a pack, with each member getting an equal vote. And it works. Life is good. Life has been so good that it makes me nervous. It comes so naturally to Lizzie, being happy. She makes it seem easy. But feeling good doesn’t always feel good for me. Something doesn’t seem real about it. When you have a trauma history, you keep looking for that hurt over and over again. And there’s this strange part of you that wants to be hurt. Because it’s what you know. It feels comfortable. Comfortable is not being loved. Comfortable is not loving myself. Even this interview makes me nervous. I keep thinking: who am I to share my story? What makes me so special? Who am I to marry a woman like Lizzie, who tells me that I’m worth it every day. And who am I to have a kid like Red, who loves me no matter what. After everything I’ve done to him: all the drugs, all the trauma, all the times I’ve messed up. He’s still right there. Loving me up. That’s the nice thing about a child. They love you no matter what. They don’t need to know where you came from. Or what you’ve done. Or what’s been done to you. But one day I’m going tell him. When the right moment comes, I’m going to tell him what happened to me. Just so he’ll know. All the drugs, everything, it had nothing to do with him. It was me. It’s because I was damaged. It’s because of what happened to me when I was his age.” -- source link
#cw drugs#cw addiction