Today a lot of little things ate at me, to be honest.Like maybe I shouldn’t be so sensitive, b
Today a lot of little things ate at me, to be honest.Like maybe I shouldn’t be so sensitive, but it’s just a buildup of stuff, you know? The ‘expectation’ that we’re going to be there, to work and help out, even though we’re really clients and not employees. So Cowboy was there, smoking a cigarette and talking to Anti, who was saddling up her horse for her kid. The horses were fed, so I started letting them out, while Cowboy started on chores: apparently he was alone for chores today because his kid is off at the ex-wife’s remarriage.He hayed, but didn’t put out a single horse. I put out most of them and partner put out the rest once he got down from putting on his barn clothes and everything.He was like “was really hoping you guys would be here to help out haha!” and it’s nice but at the same time it’s like. This isn’t our job and no one told us anything about what was happening.But. Then we got horses. Got Jaeger. Some. People randomly showed up very confused and I had to talk to them, tell them Anti was on her way to give a lesson to their daughter and stuff. Talked about Jaeger because they were really interested in the big guy.I cleaned him up while partner bathed Zara’s muddy hoofsies, then put him away and came back with Quattro. Got him nice, and went up and got going. One of the former assistant girls was already up there, riding her baby horse. I rode Quattro around for a good while. Showed off a little maybe, did a few of the small double hops, rodeoed a little. He was. He was both really good and really a butthead. He’s so goddamn stubborn and he was pawing grumpily and dropping his nose ALL the way down to between his ankles and going in the opposite direction I told him to go just because.It’s amazing what a donkey he is.He was good, though. And then afterwards I slid off his butt and took his hackamore off to give him time to roll.Anyway, Former Assistant rides by and complains “You know it’s kind of rude to not have a halter on your horse, you should halter him” and then continues her cooldown, since she’s literally about to get off her horse and leave.I just left after a minute. I dunno. I know it’s oversensitive but I do find it really offensive. I would never do something that puts other riders or horses in danger and I trust Quattro. Even when I look like I’m just kind of floating around him, I’m always close to him and keeping an eye on him. It’s the doubt in that I know what I’m doing and how I’ve trained him to stay close and stay calm with me, to be his safety point, especially when there’s activity.I think it bothers me so much because no one will take my side on it. Yet a little girl rambling her way across the arena dragging her horse by the bit is fine. It adds to that feeling of being ostracized, not being a part of things and not being trusted, just existing to be used for menial work.When people want to do things, I always have to bow aside; jumping, special lessons, etcetera. But I’m a client and I help out there too, why do I have to make room and stop what I’m doing for everyone else like a kid? I want to work with dragging objects, I want to do costume work, I want to do tricking and liberty, and I can’t because of how busy it’s gotten and how everyone else gets priority.I’m just the creepy autistic-seeming dude in the pony shirts who talks to the horses, who has the Dangerous Horse, Don’t Touch.It’s just a lot of little things adding up, and the way the atmosphere of the barn has changed so much. They want to be a business but they favor their “barn family” that I’ll never be a part of too much.And I’m tired, and I’m hurting, and I’m living on limited time and want to get as much done as I can within that timeframe.But. Just gotta keep moving. Stiff upper lip, gents, and all that, and find solutions.Even if right now I just want to stomp my feet and be mad at everything.I’m going to drown my sorrows in coffee and pizza. -- source link
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