Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve been on my tumblr and I missed it for sure! Life has t

Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve been on my tumblr and I missed it for sure! Life has totally overwhelmed me and I’ve been trying to crawl out of my hole of despair. I’ve tried to pretend it’s all been alright, going to school, fighting the good fight, smiling through the pain but I finally realized that i gave up. I let a diagnosis and doctor’s lecture get to me and didn’t listen to what mattered to me, what makes me happy.  I’ve been having pain for so long and it finally reached a point where I didn’t sleep at night and went to the doctor. Irregular x-rays, blood tests, MRIs and BAM bone cancer.  Bone Cancer? WTF? I’m finally in a great fitness place, running, doing races, feeling good, feeling healthy and now I’ve got BONE CANCER? It was more than a punch in the gut, the doctor kicked my legs out from under me. “You need to stop running,” he told me. He told me I should try swimming or riding a bike. What?!* No. I don’t want to swim or ride a bike. I look stupid doing both and one of the things I like about running is I can beat myself up, run until I drop and sweat out all the crap, the bad day, the toxins, all of it.  I can’t blast my music and zone out speeding through traffic on a bike and I can’t listen to in the pool. Running is where I can escape how I want to.  I was crushed and gave into it. I stopped running. I sat and did nothing and cried. I struggled through school and life and felt like crap.  Despite meds, despite ongoing treatment my pain never went away. I realized this the other day so I started running again.  Just like tumblr I missed it so much and loved every painful second of it.  I adjusted my stride as best as I could to run softer, to not put a lot of pressure on my bad leg and really, I felt better after it than I did before it. So I’m going to keep running because I feel better, especially mentally, depression doesn’t help to encourage a fight against cancer.  So, I’m back here, and I’m back to doing what I love, running and blasting my music and fighting the good fight every single day… -- source link
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