submissive-seeking: fortheloveofasubmissive:The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility Let’s fa
submissive-seeking: fortheloveofasubmissive: The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility Let’s face it, almost every one of us who has been attracted to D/s or BDSM came to it first because of exposure to some erotic imagery and the fantasy it conjured for us. Our minds wrote a story of what the images meant to us and how we fit into them. For me that first exposure came at a pretty young age and sparked something within that has never left me across the decades. Whether one identifies with submissiveness or Dominance, each of us view these images through our respective lenses and they evoke emotions and physical responses within us. For some it is simply sexual excitement while for others it is something far deeper and more visceral; a yearning, a longing, a need. Still others find any introduction to BDSM completely disgusting and degrading or simply not to their liking. And you know what? That’s okay. But for those of us who feel some lifelong yearning for Dominance or submission, the deeply seated emotional and psychological gratification produced by D/s affects us at a core level. It is not an idle sexual curiosity or titillation brought about by popular culture or social media. It is something we have harbored all of our lives and require in some form of human interaction in order to feel whole and fulfilled. It has never been particularly easy to find like-minded people who view D/s through the lens of the yearning Dominant or submissive. Even those who were similarly inclined did not have a forum for acknowledging, let alone exploring, their desires in a safe and anonymous environment. That is until the advent of the Internet and the two-decade evolution from news groups to forums to chat rooms to social media. Finding like-minded people is easier than ever. They seem to be everywhere. The difficulty now is not one of scarcity but of trying to sort the wheat from the chaff as it were; identifying the people with a genuine need to experience D/s in their lives from those who just want a little kink. Both are okay, but they have very differing needs and desires that are not necessarily complimentary to one another. There is no question that the convergence of social media and the explosion of popular curiosity about BDSM and D/s relationships, inculcated in part by the “50 Shades” phenomenon, has brought people out of the woodwork to satisfy their curiosity or simply get a little kinky titillation. Tumblr has certainly done that in spades as have other forums. It is also fair to say that it has given voice to those who have a strong need to incorporate D/s into their ongoing daily lives. For better or for worse, we are all here together. It is fair to say that the vast majority of people exploring and satisfying their curiosity about BDSM are out to get a few kicks and have no particular desire to adopt D/s as a way of life. And there is nothing wrong with that provided it is purely a process of consumption. By that I mean observing from afar. Looking at imagery and reading texts as a form of pornography or even education is just fine and completely innocuous in my book. But social media allows us to not only observe but to also interact with other people; people with real lives, real feelings and emotions. The moment we reach past the masturbatory images on the screen to communicate with someone else, we are impacting them and their lives. How we do that, and how responsible we are in that interaction, is an entirely personal decision, but the results go far beyond getting one’s own rocks off. This is not a “virtual girlfriend” video game, though the impersonal and remote nature of the communication can make it feel that way. Real people with families, friends, co-workers and feelings are on the other end. So when we reach out and begin to “play” Dom or sub in the virtual space we attach an emotional leash between us as real in the mind as any leather or chain leash in the physical world. Attachments are developed and deep connections made. D/s has a way of breeding these more quickly and deeply than many other forms of relationship in my experience. We allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable to one another, and in so doing we connect in ways we might never have before. But we are also easy prey for the ill-intended, inconsiderate, or just plain narcissistic. For example, when a person who really just wants to play a little at being a “Dom,” get a few kicks and maybe get laid, reaches into the heart and mind of a submissive who has a need for Dominance in a relationship and seeks a deep emotional connection, trouble is fast brewing. The submissive may feel used and in fact perhaps they have been. It is crucial that we understand what we want in the interaction, that we are honest about our desires and intentions, and that we do not lead people who have allowed themselves to be vulnerable and exposed into something they need but that we have no intention of fulfilling. In effect I am saying, be honest and play nice. Kindergarten rules. When a Dom accepts the devotion of a submissive they also accept an enormous responsibility for the emotional and physical wellbeing of that person. A submissive may wear a leash and allow herself to be guided by a Dominant, but in grasping that leash a Dominant accepts full responsibility for it and all that is attached to it; physical and emotional. When a submissive hands herself over to a Dominant it is an awesome and even fearsome responsibility, so much so that it sometimes keeps me awake at night. My Muse has given me everything she is and I owe it to her to give her everything I am in return. The weight of bearing the leash is the same whether Dominant or submissive. A leash has two equal and opposite ends. So while we may “play” at Dominance and submission in a scene replete with BDSM and kinky sex, there is often far more to it than that. There is often a profound emotional need deep within the Dominant and/or submissive that is being fulfilled by the bond between the two. Sometimes it is satisfying needs, mending wounds, or providing things that were missing in our lives as far back as childhood. This stuff can run very, very deep and can cut badly when abused, mistreated, or neglected. As Dominants AND submissives, we have a responsibility to be aware of our partners’ needs and just how deeply our interaction is not only connecting, but also potentially completing and healing one another. In extreme instances, withdrawal of that connection can carry with it all of the intensity of feeling and emotion of a death in the family or even of oneself. When we engage in D/s and allow ourselves to connect this deeply we are treading on some very tender spots in the hearts and minds of both Dominant and submissive. Some of those tender spots may in fact be open wounds. That vulnerability and emotional access is indeed the gift of Dominance and submission, but nurturing it and caring for it is also the awesome responsibility we accept in return. The leash has two ends. What we do with them define us as Dominant and submissive. Originally posted on September 22, 2013 Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013 Image Credit Unknown Please leave caption and credits intact. ALWAYS, ALWAYS A REBLOG -- source link