#testosterone: week 49 Pronouns: it, he A week without hormones. No dramatic changes, though I cried

#testosterone: week 49 Pronouns: it, he A week without hormones. No dramatic changes, though I cried when talking about the importance of sex work a few days ago. My face seems softer & rounder in this photo but I’m sure it’s too subtle to notice in real life. Outbreaks of spots have been strangely reassuring, as though attesting to still high testosterone levels. I was able to exercise a few times (squats, push-ups & planks) but finding the discipline has been a challenge. Luckily, a friend was able to acquire an injectable dose for me! The doctor recommended shots this summer but I declined on account of my fear of needles. Unlike the daily topical application, this one will last 3 months; ideal for someone in my unstable situation. The dose is 1000 mg which is standard but sounds so much higher than the 50 mg I’m used to. I keep imagining myself hulking out, a bushy carpet sprouting on my face & chest as my now bulging biceps tear my clothes to ribbons. While it’s unlikely to be so dramatic, injections are known to be more effective than gel. I wasn’t particularly fussed about speeding the process along –everything is happening pretty fast already, honestly – I can’t help but be excited to see what happens next. I had some uncertainty this week; am I actually trans? Maybe I’m a confused woman. But trans men can be gay, effeminate bottoms. If we depathologize transness & queerness (i.e. hold them as valid identities rather than aberration) then wanting to be a gender is as good as being a gender. I asked friends how they knew they were trans but did not see myself in their stories of presenting clearly as their gender, of knowing from a young age. Sure, I have stories of playing with boys & feeling so much more comfortable than with girls, discomfort increasing as hormones made hangouts more fraught. I still don’t know what maleness is, but I think it feels better; but the social costs of transition remain scary. #hrt #transitionjournal #nonbinary #gaytrans #gay #documentingtransition #fucktheCistem #t #HPonT #2ndpuberty #weveHadOneYesButWhatAbout2ndPuberty #TRANSatlantic #transman #transmasc #lgbt #transtrender #transguy #transsexual #homo https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs60Sr1hb8s/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=j1olxwsfz33j -- source link
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